


Melancholy

by kmarie081801



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Bullying, Child Abuse, Depression, F/F, Homophobia, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Orphans, Panic Attacks, Past Domestic Violence, Past Sexual Abuse, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 04:29:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10429116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmarie081801/pseuds/kmarie081801
Summary: "I can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me but I know that I'm not okay." Mark sniffs out, putting his oversized sweatshirt sleeves up to his face, letting the tears soak into the soft red fabric."Pain and loss changes people. It's natural to feel the way you're feeling," Donghyuck responds, grabbing a tissue and handing it to the older."No it's not. I don't even know who I am anymore."--Or in which Mark is an orphan and pushes away everyone who tries to get close to him because in the end he thinks they'll leave. Until Donghyuck.Donghyuck comes into his life, introduces him to a group of people, and Mark thinks life isn't so bad after all.





	1. Here to Relive Your Darkest Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "S-So, word's been going around that you're an orphan."
> 
> "How's that any of your business?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there is mentioned drug use, minor character deaths, and anxiety/panic attacks this chapter.
> 
> Title Credits: “Shake It Out” — Florence + The Machine
> 
> Poem Credits: "Then Anxiety Is" — Anonymous
> 
> (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WbN0nX61rIs)

**_"If love is a mother's gentle, warm embrace--_ **  
**_Then anxiety is being forced into a strait jacket."_**

* * *

 He remembers that he's waking up alone again, no one to come in and wake him up for school, no one to embrace him tightly, no one to say that they love him, well, not his biological parents, exactly.

Mark comes to realize that, when his parents passed away four months apart, when his mother was rear ended and spun until she hit the side of the building, and dad shot up too much and died (Mark remembers walking in and seeing a belt tied around his arm and the needle on the floor, he never knew his father was a drug addict). She didn't survive, the impact was too forceful and she had no chance, he overheard many family members say at her funeral. Actually, that was the last time he ever seen his family. No one wanted to take him in. He didn't blame them, honestly. Taking in a now selectively mute fifteen-year-old because his parents died, a momma's boy who cried everytime something was said about his parents, no matter good or bad. Mark didn't blame them, not one bit.

He's now with a good family, Mark would say. The mother works her ass off to provide for Mark and her biological son to give them everything they want. The father does too, of course, but the mother is around the most for the kids, as the father is away on business most of the time. Pushing back the memories, Mark only has enough time to throw on a pair of shoes and a sweatshirt before rushing out of the door, slamming it behind him.

He reaches the school with only five minutes to spare, and he runs as fast as his skinny legs can carry him. The teacher greets Mark before the bell rings, where he slumps down into his seat and reaches for his notebook in his bag, along with the thermos full of French Vanilla Coffee that he grabbed off of the table before he ran out the front door, not even taking the time to read the handwritten note that his foster mother wrote for him. Opening the coffee, he takes a sip before a kid that he doesn't even know bumps into him, spilling the coffee almost all over his notebook. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean!" The voice squeaks up, grabbing some tissues off of the teacher's desk. "Here! Let me help you—"

"It's okay," Mark mumbles, grabbing the box of tissues from the boy. He has bright red hair, which is as bright as a fire truck, and Mark has to look away. Nope. He doesn't want to look at this kid, doesn't want to talk to him. He doesn't  _need_ anybody, nobody at all, but the red haired boy then pulls out the chair next to Mark and sits down, a bright smile on his face. "My name's Donghyuck, and you are?"

_Donghyuck. Such a nice name for a kid I'll never speak to._

"Mark." He says sharply, bringing his attention back down to his coffee stained notebook cover. He frantically flips through the pages, and lets out a relieved sigh as none of the pages that he wrote his lyrics down on were damaged. He picks at his fingers as his anxiety levels increase, because  _why the fuck isn't this kid leaving him alone?_ "Could you leave me alone now?" 

"S-So, word's been going around that you're an orphan," the Donghyuck kid speaks up again. He looks up, the boy still sitting at the edge of his desk. Mark has the urge to tell him to go away, that he doesn't want to be friends, that he  _doesn't need_ any friends. He's been alone since he was thirteen, it's been two years, he can handle it for the rest of his life. Mark makes eye contact with him, before going back to doodling on his paper.

"How's that any of your business?"Mark spits out, looking back up at Donghyuck, who shrugs solemnly, before turning on his heel to head back to his desk, and Mark wants to say to him  _"I'm sorry"_ but his mouth can't open to sound out the words as the red haired boy sits back down at his desk with a group of friends, who looked both older and younger than he was. 

Mark almost feels jealous of him,  _almost._

He'd rather be alone then let someone in for a long period of time and then let them walk out anyways.

* * *

**_"If hope is a butterfly flittering from flower to flower--_ **

**_Then anxiety is a nuclear bomb plummeting to Earth."_ **

Grabbing his belongings after that horrendous class (to which Mark wanted to start cursing all the kids out because _they wouldn't shut up_ ) Mark storms out of the classroom when the bell rings and escapes up to the rooftop, lukewarm cup of coffee (Mark can't even call it a cup, it's only half full, but nonetheless) in his hand and his books in the other. He has the sudden urge to stand back up when he sits down on the concrete top of the building and scream, because he feels _so fucking alone_ and he wishes that his mother or his father would come back and tell him that everything's okay, that it's okay to open yourself up and make new friends.

 _"Why?"_ Mark yells out to the sky, and he swears that if someone saw him screaming at this exact moment at the top of his lungsc they'd cal him crazy and ask him why the hell is he screaming at the sky, it won't bring anyone back.

Mark likes to think that if he does yell and scream at the sky once in a while, someone will be able to hear him and help him get through all of this because _he can't do it by himself._ He remembers one time Jisung, his younger foster brother, walked in on him with his bedroom window open and sitting on the room, telling and screaming until his throat became hoarse and raw. That was ten days after the Park's took him in. 

_**"Hyung, what are you doing? What's wrong?"** _

_**"It's nothing Jisungie, I'm just upset. I'll be okay." Mark feels the scratchiness in his throat and he holds back a pained groan.** _

_**The ten year old holds out his stuffed teddy bear while walking over to Mark's bed and sitting down on the brand new mattress. "Would you like to hold my bear? It calms me down when I'm upset. It'll help you out hyung, please?"** _

_**Mark looks at the younger boy, his eyes sparkling while holding his treasured teddy bear and Mark crawls back over to his window, his shaky hand reaching through the window and out for the soft, yet worn out brown teddy bear. He watches as Jisung walks out of his room and hears footsteps, and Jisung shows back up at the door with cookies in his hand. "Would you like some?"**_

Yelling until his throat begins to hurt and his lungs ache for air, he sits down and buries his face into his hands, which effectively blocks him from being hit with the slightly cold breeze. Mark places his head in between his knees and his arms crossed on top of them, and he feels his breathing begin to become heavier and his hands and arms being to shake and  _oh God why now._

He feels like vomiting the contents of his stomach out all over the place, and he can feel his heart beat as if it is going to fly out through his chest. Looking up, he tries to catch his breath and stand up against the wall but his knees become all wobbly and he falls back against the wall, and all Mark wants to do is fucking  _die_ right now. None of this has ever happened to him in public before, at least, not this bad. He begins to breathe in and out slowly, which calms him down slowly. Mark doesn't even have the strength to wipe his tears from his face, but when he walks off of the roof he doesn't want to feel weak. 

He hears footsteps and Mark wants to fucking  _bolt_ for the heavens. Mark grabs his bag and rushes towards the steps when he collides with a slightly smaller body and of course it's that kid Donghyuck, and still looking down he sees another pair of shoes and he finally looks up to see the red haired boy standing next to another boy with light brown hair and an award winning smile. "Oh hey Mark, what're you doing up here?" 

"This is a calming spot to me," Mark says, trying to move away but his feet aren't moving from where he's standing. "Now if you excuse me, I'll be going."

"Mark!" Donghyuck pulls him back by the wrist (wasn't even hard though, Mark thinks), and places him in front do the brown haired boy with the thousand-watt smile. "This is Na Jaemin. Jaemin, this is Mark..." The pink haired boy then realizes that Donghyuck doesn't even know his last name but in all honestly Mark just wants to  _leave._

"Mark Lee." He says, the name fumbling out through his lips. He doesn't even wait for the two boys to speak before he pushes past them and lets his feet dash down the stairs while Donghyuck is calling out his name. Mark just needs to get out of the school and off of the roof before he snaps.  

"Mark, wait!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who could be confused by the ages, here goes:
> 
> Taeil & Hansol: 20, Graduated  
> Johnny, Taeyong, Yuta: 19, Seniors  
> Kun, Dongyoung & Ten- 18, Juniors  
> Jaehyun & Sicheng: 17, Juniors  
> Mark: 15, Sophomore  
> Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck, & Jaemin: 14, Freshmen  
> Chenle: 13, 8th Grade  
> Jisung: 12, 7th Grade
> 
> Ages & Grades is based on the American School System.


	2. These Voices Won’t Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark meets Donghyuck's older brother and his brother's boyfriend at a bus stop waiting for Jisung and he should really, really listen to Mrs. Park's warnings about the weather.
> 
> And to tell Jisung to stop giving out Mark's damn phone number before he beats the snot of out the kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Credits: “Gasoline” – Halsey
> 
> (https://www.vevo.com/watch/halsey/gasoline-(audio)/USUV71502208)

_**"If compassion is an outstretched, helping hand--** _

_**Then anxiety is a gun to the back of the head."** _

* * *

 

"Minhyung, honey, I thought today was a full day of school?"

Mrs. Park's voice rings out calmly though the house. He sits his bag down on the edge of the loveseat, and ruffles his damaged hair before entering the kitchen, still out of breath from running as fast as he could away from the school, or more like running away from Donghyuck and the boy that he was introduced to.

_What was his name again? Jaehyuk... Jaejung... Jae something._

"They called off for the high school because they're having parent-teacher conferences, it was a sudden call," Mark lies, sitting down at the kitchen table, while Mrs. Park pours herself a cup of steaming hot water straight out of the kettle. "How was your day?" 

"Not bad honey, not bad, although I wasn't feeling well when I got to work, so I took off," she grabs a lemon flavored tea packet and dips it into the water while Mark watches the steam lift above the red and white cup. Mrs. Park is a very lovely woman, Mark would like to admit. For her age, she doesn't have a strand of gray hair on her head, no wrinkles, and no health problems (although him and Jisung like to joke around that she has a tea addiction, to which she swats them out of the kitchen and makes herself a cup of hot tea). "How was your first day back to school after winter break?"

"I met a boy I've never seen before." 

"What's his name, honey?"

"Donghyuck," Mark trails off. "He has bright red hair and a really gummy smile. But like I said, I've never seen him before though, maybe he just moved here."

"What's his last name?"

"Lee, I think." Mark stands up, coughing and feeling the scratchiness in his throat while walking over to the fridge and grabbing a glass of lemonade. Pouring himself a small glass, he looks back over at Mrs. Park, who is stirring her tea with a small spoon. "Why?"

"They just moved here at the beginning of your break two weeks ago. His mother works with me, what a sweet lady." She smiles, bringing up her cup of tea to her lips and Mark wants to know how the  _hell_ Donghyuck has so many friends after two weeks of being here. 

_It's because he's normal, Minhyung, he doesn't shut people out like you._

Mark wants to yell at the voice in his head to shut up, but instead he brings his glass of lemonade to his lips and states, "I don't understand how he has so many friends though. When we were in class he had a group of boys surrounding him and they looked all friendly and I just... I just don't understand." 

Mrs. Park stands up and walks over to the stove, pouring herself another cup of water from the kettle as looks over at Mark, who's tapping his fingers against the granite counter and spacing out. "Maybe he's just more social than most people honey, don't worry." 

_Yeah, he doesn't shut himself out like you Minhyung, he actually talks to people._

"Yeah, you're right," Mark says, watching as how she delicately puts the kettle back on the stove, walks over and kisses the top of his head, her lips coming into contact with his dry, pinkish-blond hair. "Does Jisung have dance practice tonight?'

Jisung absolutely  _loves_ to dance, no doubt about it. Mark's walked in on him plenty of times while dancing, either with headphones in or his stereo turned up, or copying dance moves off of his TV from the music videos that he watches. The older boy is always tempted to grab his cell phone and videotape Jisung dancing but just stands there and watches how the twelve year old dances his heart out, how he is so passionate doing what he loves. There's also times where Mark walks in on Jisung and his best friend Chenle dancing around playfully, and Jisung yells at Mark to get out while the fifteen year old laughs. 

_**"Mark, get out of my room!" Jisung yells at the older boy, who's at Jisung's doorframe doubling over with laughter. Chenle's face is a bright red color as well as Jisung's when Mark looks back up, and Jisung throws a pillow, missing Mark's head by a few inches.** _

_**"Dude no, this is funny as heck," Mark begins to wheeze as Chenle sits down on Jisung's bed and curls into the fetal position due to embarrassment, while also hugging another one of Jisung's pillows.** _

_**"Oh my God, Mark hyung, please, leave."** _

**_"This is amazing dude, I should've brought my phone with me."_ **

**_"Oh god please don't," Chenle pipes up from his spot on the bed. "I'll die."_ **

**_"No you won't," Jisung whirls back around and playfully kicks Chenle of the bed, the boy landing on the carpeted flooring with a soft thud. "You alright?"_ **

**_"Screw you Jisung."_ **

**_"If y'all want me to_** **_go I'll go." Mark clutches his chest as Jisung throws a paperback book at him, yelling, "That's what we wanted the entire time!"_ **

Meanwhile, Mark on the other hand likes to write. Mrs. Park buys him at least three to four notebooks at a time because he likes to fill them up so quickly. He fills them up constantly with lyrics or his thoughts, because Mark wants to become nothing more than a lyricist, composer or producer when he goes to college. He wants people to be able to relate to the lyrics that he writes, whether it be for other people or himself. 

"It isn't on the schedule honey," Mrs. Park snaps him out of his deep thought and Mark whips his head over to her direction so quickly he thinks he may have whiplash. "But his instructor may call. You alright there hun? You're spacing out." 

His eyes stay focused on the calendar before flicking up to Mrs. Park's concerned face, and Mark gives a shy smile to let her know that he's alright. He feels slim arms wrap around him and he finds himself embraced in a warm hug by the woman, who pats his head. "You'll have to get Jisung off of the bus later, you know that right?"

"I know, I know." 

 

* * *

**_"If peace is the rise and fall of a sleeping infant’s chest--_ **

**_Then anxiety is lightning striking an airplane."_ **

 

Okay, so the extremely cold and unpleasant weather was something Mark did _not_ wantto deal with today. He shoves his hands in his thin jacket pockets and faces his back to the freezing cold wind. Mrs. Park yelled at him when he walked out of the door to throw on a jacket and maybe a pair of gloves, but Mark shrugged the suggestions off and yelled back, "I'll be okay! It's not that cold out here!"

Not cold out here his ass. Mark shivers inside his jacket and waits for Jisung's bus to drive up and drop off the five kids that get off of the bus so that he could get the hell out of there, go home and grab some coffee or hot chocolate (he doesn't even know what's inside the house anymore, Mrs. Park goes shopping at least once a week), and listen to Jisung's stories about what happened at school today or help him with his homework. Jisung should at least have someone to listen to him when his parents can't or he just can't tell them what is going on.

Mark hears the bus pull up and the doors open, a crowd of children bustling out of the door as the older looks at the bus, waiting for Jisung to come out. There, he also sees a familiar red shade of hair and  _why the fuck is he here everywhere I go,_ Mark curses. Jisung comes running behind Donghyuck and runs dead-on straight into Mark's ribcage. 

"Hey bud, how was your day?" 

"Mark! Hey! Why'd you leave?" Donghyuck runs over to the two boys and taps the older boy on the shoulder. "So he's your little brother? He was being a Chatty Cathy the entire way home!" He laughs, and Mark fights back the urge to smile because _holy shit_ his laugh is so cute. "My brother's over there!"

Mark looks over Donghyuck's shoulder and sees two boys laughing and holding each other's hands as they walk towards Donghyuck and Mark wants to again bolt for the heavens because he does not do well around crowds over people, Jisung could easily tell you that. 

"Which one?" Mark raises his eyebrow, nodding at Donghyuck as the two boys stop behind him. "Short, maroon haired boy or the slightly taller one with the big eyes and that hella sharp jawline?"

The boy with the big eyes and the hella sharp jawline (Mark _wishes_ he was kidding) waves at him and Donghyuck points at him again. "That's my older brother, Taeyong, and the troll looking ass next to him is his boyfriend, Moon Taeil."

"Oh fuck off you prepubescent chick," Mark snorts as Taeil bites back and Jisung wraps his arms around Mark, hiding his face. Mark reminds himself to let Jisung know to not tell Mrs or Mr. Park that Mark was swearing, they're not to fond of teens or children swearing around them or Jisung, but Jisung swears all the time, and honestly Mark couldn't care less if he did.

"I... I should get going," Mark trails off, shoving his gloveless hands back into his pockets. "It was nice meeting you."

_When the fuck did you become so friendly, Mark, stop it. Stop. It._

Biting his lower lip until he begins to draw blood, Mark feels Jisung's hand and arm loop into his own and Donghyuck's brother, _what was his name... Fuck, Tae... Tae something. Taeyong! That's it! Taeyong!,_ hands him a pair of black and red gloves out of his jacket pocket and hands them to Mark. "Your hands are going to become frostbitten there dude, they're bright red, and the scar on the top of your hand is turning a dark purplish-blue color too, so here you go." 

Mark looks down at his hand, his healing scar on his left hand turning a shade of purple, from when he got angry at himself and busted his hand through the screen door window, tearing the top of his hand open and blood was pouring out everywhere. He remembers Mr & Mrs. Park, as well as Jisung, grabbed medical supplies and hurried along the house, while Mark had a blood-soaked washcloth wrapped around his hand. 

**_"Minhyung, honey, it's alright, let's just get you to the hospital, okay?" Mrs. Park puts her hand on the small of his back and guides him out of the door, Jisung trailing behind Mr. Park as the door to the car was opened for him._ **

**_Throwing his fist and breaking the glass to the screen door probably wasn't a good idea when he was mad, Mark realizes when he's sitting next to Jisung in the backseat of the car with blood pouring out of his hand and it starts to become numb and Mark panics. Oh God what the fuck is happening._ **

**_Mark ends up getting eight stitches across his hand that night, and looks over at Jisung who can't stop crying, and suddenly, neither can he._ **

Mark takes the gloves from Taeyong with a small smile. "Thanks man. I really appreciate it. I've got to get us back home before his mom flips out." 

Donghyuck waves at him before he and Jisung turn around and Mark feels like an asshole for not waving back, but he's already wanting to become close and friendly with the boy, and he can't let it happen. 

* * *

  ** _"If freedom is a bird soaring high in the sky--_** ** _Then anxiety is a shackled slave thrown into the sea."_**

Mr. Park walks in through the door at least an hour after Mark and Jisung have, and while Mark is helping Jisung study for his literature test tomorrow, he hears Mrs. Park say that the neighbors are having a bonfire tonight. 

"And what are the strategies for analyzing an argument?" Mark is looking at Jisung's literature notes and watches as Jisung taps on his chin with a smile, before Mr. Park walks in and waves to the two boys. "Jisungie, you need to know this for your test tomorrow." 

"It's to check the claim, examine the evidence, look for the logic, and to consider the counterargument." Mark nods with wide eyes while putting the sheet of notes down as Jisung's face becomes wide with a smile and he begins to clap. "Did I get it right?" 

"Yes, yes you did buddy." Mark high-fives him with a bright smile on his face.

"Look at my boys, going to become authors or something of the sort one day," Mr. Park pipes up from the couch, loosening his neck tie with one hand and the TV remote in the other. Taking a sip of his soda, he places it down on the coffee table and snaps his fingers. "You know, our new neighbors are having a bonfire tonight, the Lee's. Well, the two sons are throwing one anyways, the parents will be out but they trust the oldest son enough."

"How do you know all of this?" Mark whips around to face Mr. Park while he's flipping through the TV channels. "Let me guess, you work with their father."

"Yep. Oh, and you can go if you want to Minhyung, but Jisung has to stay back because of his dance practice in an hour."

Oh no. Nope. _H_ _ell no._ He is  _not_ going to a bonfire with a shit ton of people that he barely knows, let alone the fact that Mark despises crowds with a burning passion. But then his phone buzzes in his back pocket with a text from an unknown number.

**Unknown Number (5:23 pm)**

_Hello~~_

**Mark Lee (5:23 pm)**

_Um_

**Mark Lee (5:24 pm)**

_Who the hell is this??? And how'd you get my number?_

**Unknown Number (5:26pm)**

_Oh! It's Donghyuck!_ _Jisung gave me your number (≧∇≦)/_

Mark looks over at Jisung and raises his eyebrows. "Why did you give him my number? And not tell me?"

The twelve year old looks up from his notes and gives a shy smile towards Mark, who's eyebrows are still raised in question. "Donghyuckie hyung and I were talking on the bus, and he wanted to tell you about the bonfire tonight. So I just gave him your number."

Mark snorts a little bit before responding to Donghyuck, who he's pretty sure that he is an emoji addict, no doubt. 

**Mark Lee (5:32 pm)**

_Hey, listen. About the bonfire tonight, I don't know if I want to go._

Mark changes Donghyuck's name in his phone so that he isn't confused before Donghyuck's newest message pops up.

**Lee Donghyuck (5:34 pm)**

_Oh come on hyung, please? It'll be fun! (≧∇≦)/_

Mark looks around, biting his lip again until he tastes copper and types with his hands shakily:

**Mark Lee (5:37 pm)**

_Fuck it._

**Mark Lee**   **(5:39 pm)**

_I'll be there._

He slides his phone back into his pocket and Mrs. Park yells that it's time for dinner.

  _You're going to regret this,_ the voice yells inside of his head,  _they're not going to like you. You're going to fuck it all up and then what? They'll leave._

Instead of listening to the voice, Mark shoves the food into his mouth and chews loudly, trying to drown out his conscience. His phone buzzes again.

**Lee Donghyuck (5:47 pm)**

_See you at 7 :)_


	3. Lost Myself Again, and I Feel Unsafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark meets a crowd of people, Donghyuck and his brother's friends whom the just met.
> 
> And Mark wants nothing more to strangle Donghyuck for inviting him over because his anxiety levels are going to go through the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Credits: “Breathe Me” — Sia
> 
> (https://www.vevo.com/watch/sia/breathe-me/GB0700400017)

**_"If happiness is the laughter of a friend--_ **

**_Then anxiety is the howling of a dying dog."_ **

* * *

**Lee Donghyuck (6:54 pm)**

_It's almost 7. Are you ready? （＾ｖ＾）_

 

**Mark Lee (6:55 pm)**

_Christ dude, let me get a pair of shoes on and_ _finish my hair. I'll be there in a few._

 

**Lee Donghyuck (6:57 pm)**

_You take your time getting ready like a chick does._

 

**Mark Lee (6:58 pm)**

_Fuck you. Just for that I might not even go._

 

"Jisungie! Middle part and straight, bangs down and straight or curly for my hair?" Mark yells from the bathroom, sitting his phone down on top of the sink and waits for Donghyuck to reply to him. He was bluffing when he said that he wasn't going, although if someone did make an ass out of him (or God forbid, he made an ass out of himself), he'd run for the heavens as fast as his stick legs could carry him.

"Middle part!" Jisung yells back, mouth muffled due to the food being chewed inside of it. "Straight!"

"Got it! Thanks!" Mark yells back, picking up the warm straightener off of the edge of the sink. He waits a few seconds before moving the straightner down on his hair. Mr. Park bought cookies home on his way home from work and Jisung  _promised_ Mark that he would save him at least two chocolate chip cookies or two sugar cookies. "Dude, what kind of cookies are you eating?"

"The M&M cookies! I saved the ones that you wanted!"

"All four?"

"All four!" Jisung yells back, and Mark pumps his fist up in the air because he's _that_ happy over Jisung saving him some cookies. His phone buzzes with another text as soon as he unplugs the straighter and grabs a comb, running the teeth through his hair to make it softer.

**Lee Donghyuck (7:01 pm)**

_I'm kidding please come!_

 

Mark goes down to the coat rack in the living room and slips on his warm, oversized leather jacket. He feels around in the sweatshirt pockets that he wore earlier to get Jisung off of the bus, and finally finds the gloves that Taeyong generously gave to him.

"Wow, are you going to wear gloves this time around?" Mrs. Park yells at him with a little smile. Mark laughs and turns around, yelling a "yes ma'am!" to her, and she waves. "Be safe Minhyung, call us when you're ready to leave, okay?" 

"Okay!"

Mark shuts the front door behind him, and reaches into his pocket, fishing out his phone. He walks down the stairs, and to the end of the road before he messages Donghyuck back.

**Mark Lee (7:07 pm)**

_So um._

 

**Mark Lee (7:08 pm)**

_What's the address? I'm freezing my damn_ _ass off._

 

**Lee Donghyuck (7:09 pm)**

_Spring Road, house number 127. （〜^∇^)〜_

**Mark Lee (7:10 pm)**

_Got it._

* * *

**_"If tolerance is children playing, blind to skin color--_ **

**_Then anxiety is being prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp."_ **

"Aye Lee! Mark! My boy!" Mark feels Donghyuck's arm wrap around his shoulders as soon as he enters the younger boy's backyard. The fire is being set up by a tall boy with dirty blondish hair prodding at the fire, while another tall boy is squatting down next to him, throwing more pieces of wood into the fire. The last time Mark has ever been to a bonfire was when his parents were alive and they were celebrating his birthday with his aunts and cousins. "The two lanky doofuses over there are Hansol and Johnny, but you can call Hansol— he's the one with the dirty blond hair— you can call him doofus number one, and Johnny, the other one, you can call doofus number two!"

"Fuck off troll!" Hansol (at least Mark thinks that it's him) yells out do Donghyuck, and the other tall boy—Johnny—flips him off while throwing one last piece of wood into the fire, getting the flames started up. "Who's the poor soul that you brought to meet us fuck ups?" 

"Oh, that's Mark. I just met Mark today, how 'bout that?" Donghyuck slaps his back playfully and Mark tries his hardest to not tell Donghyuck to fuck off and stop hitting him in the most nicest way possible, but he keeps his mouth closed and waves to Hansol and Johnny who wave back before turning their attention to the fire before Mark hears his name called out by one of the taller boys.

"So where're you from?" Johnny pipes up, taking his eyes off of the fire and looking over at Mark, who has his hands shoved back into his pockets. Why does that matter at the moment? Mark's fight or fly instincts are beginning to kick in but he doesn't want to seem like a dick around them so he just decodes to answer shortly, "Canada."

"Ah! That's cool!" Johnny cries out, making Mark jump a little bit before he laughs. This boy isn't so bad after all. But before he can open his mouth to respond to Johnny, another boy latches onto the taller's neck and pulls him back, startling Mark as they all hear cries of laughter, and another boy's cries of, "Stop it oh my god. Y'all are disgusting." 

"Screw off, you munchkin!" The shorter boy yells back at the other voice, as Donghyuck walks away from Mark for a few spilt seconds before returning with some fold up chairs. Donghyuck hands Mark a chair and begins to unfold it while Mark is still looking on at the chaotic scene  going down in front of his eyes.

_Leave while you can. You're infiltrating and they don't like it. Go._

Mark reaches under his sleeve and pinches himself as another way to stop the voice in his head because he is  _not_ going to embarrass himself by screaming  _shut up!_ at himself. Donghyuck finally fixes his chair and sits down near the hot fire, taking his hands out of his pockets as Mark gets his chair situated, and makes the older jump as soon as he sits down with a tap on Mark's leg. "The one that jumped up on Johnny is Ten, the smallest besides me and Taeil hyung," Donghyuck says, as Taeyong reaches over the two of them and hands them cups of freshly made hot chocolate. "And the one that called them disgusting was Yuta." 

Mark cocks his head to the side while sipping carefully on his hot chocolate. What kind of name is Ten? "So, why do y'all call him Ten? What's his real name?"

Taeyong looks up from the grill from where he's finalizing the burgers along with Taeil, who's setting up food on the other picnic table with the food and garnishes. "Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul."

Mark chokes on his hot chocolate and Donghyuck slaps him on the back. "Holy— forget I even asked."

Taeyong nods back at him before turning his attention back to the grill and flipping the burgers. "Me too kid, me freaking too." 

"Ten! Come over here and meet Mark!" 

"That's Ten  _hyung_ to you," the high-pitched voice responds back, when he leaps off of Johnny's back and runs over to Donghyuck, slapping him lightly on the shoulder before showing a bright and straight smile while sticking his hand out for Mark to shake. "I'm Ten, so you must be Mark, huh."

"Yep," Mark breathes out, clasping his hand into Ten's and shaking it before the elder boy let's go. "That's my name." 

Ten grabs another chair from inside the garage, and places it to the right of Mark's chair. "You'll like us eventually, but we can be dicks sometimes, especially Yuta."

"I can still hear you!" The boy— Yuta— yells back at Ten and flipping him off before kissing Hansol's cheek, stunning Mark because he didn't know that those two were dating?

Don't get him wrong, he has  _nothing_ against anyone in the gay community, or he'd be against himself. Mark's dated a few boys secretly in the two years that he's been living here, but they all ended because he kept pushing them away until they had no choice to leave. It's not that he didn't want them around, no, never that, Mark just pushed them far away from him as possible so that it didn't hurt much worse when they would choose to leave him on their own.

"Oh, yeah," Ten's words snap him out of his thoughts. "Don't mind them, theyre mushy judt like Johnny and I. Unless you don't like people like us?" The older cocks his head, and Mark raises his hands in defense. 

"No! No! I have nothing against people, unless you disrespect me, but other than that, your sexual preference doesnt matter to me."

"Burgers are ready! Come get them you hungry fiends!" Taeyong's voice rings out, and Mark doesnt even take the chance of running out of his chair when the others are already crowded around the picnic table and the grill and Taeil's voice can be heard yelling, "give him some room or you won't get any burgers you asses!" 

He notices that Donghyuck is no longer sitting next to him, but trying to push through the line of boys because he's _"Taeyong's brother and I deserve to get in line first!"_ Mark overhears the other boys groan as Donghyuck gets to cut in front of all of them, and Donghyuck comes back to their chairs with one plate in each hands, and Mark realizes that the red haired boy also grabbed a burger for him too. Mark wasn't planning on eating anytime soon, but Mrs. Park always told him that if he is offered food to accept it graciously and tell he or she thank you.

Donghyuck gently sits the paper plate down on his lap,  which contains a burger and from what Mark sees with the bright fire, a handful of chips. He watches the younger run back to the picnic table after putting his plate down on his chair, and Donghyuck comes back with two cups full of soda or whatever is over there. "Here, you seem a little anxious around us so I grabbed some food for you. I don't know what you like on your burgers so I told Taeyongie hyung to just put a slice of cheese on it. I hope you don't mind that."

Mark takes a small bite out of his burger while the older boys are grabbing chairs with one hand and their plates of food with the other. "It's fine, Donghyuck, thank you." 

"No problem." 

Mark feels a foot nudge his when the chair next to his moves, and he notices that Ten and another boy switched chairs. This boy has grayish-purple hair, with fairly large eyes and a warm smile. So this must be the Yuta that Ten was talking about and yelling at earlier. "You're Mark?'

"That's me," he responds, taking the last few sips out of his hot chocolate cup and placing it back down near the back leg of his chair. "Are you Yuta?"

"That would be me." Yuta smiles warmly and sticks his hand out like Ten did earlier so that he could shake it. "Donghyuck said he was inviting a friend over and he kept pacing around, saying _'if Mark doesn't show up I'll yell at him tomorrow, I swear to God,'_ " Yuta takes a bite out of his burger. Donghyuck reaches over Mark and swats at Yuta's kneecap, yelling at him for selling him out.

"So, when did you move here?" Taeil finally piped up. his legs rested on Taeyong's thighs as he takes a sip out of his red plastic cup, and he whacks Johnny on the shoulder when the tallest murmurs, "when do you never have anything besides alcohol in you cup.'

"I'll drink whatever the fuck I please," Taeil shoots back, and then looks back at Mark with a smile so quickly it actually  _scares_ him. "Anyways, Mark. When did you move here?"

Taking a sip out of his Soda, Mark let's out a burp an exuses himself when he says, "two years." 

"Me too." Johnny lifts his cup up to Mark and drinks out of it. "It's very different, huh?"

"Do you not remember that Ten and I moved here two years ago too? Or is all the alcohol and weed in your system draining the memory part of your brain?" Yuta playfully spits out, smiling as he brings his cup up to his lips.

Mark hears Donghyuck snicker in his ear ad Johnny mimicks Yuta, and said boy stands up from his chair and stabds in a boxing position before Hansol grips him by the hand and pulls him back down to the chair gently, saying, "honey please. Johnny would kill you," and Mark snorts loudly, which causes Donghyuck and Ten to burst into another fit of laughter while his phone buzzes in his pocket.

**Mrs. Park (7:36 pm)**

_Hey honey, if you want to stay at the Lee's house overnight it is okay with us. Just come home and grab some clean clothes and your school things. Be safe and have fun, I love you Minhyung._

 

Mark looks over at Taeyong, who's now prodding at the fire and telling Yuta to grab more wood. "So... I, uh, is it okay if I spend the night. If you don't want me too that's fine I'll just—"

"Hey kid, relax," Taeyong interrupts him with a smile as he looks up from the fire. "It's okay with me, we're all staying in tents tonight. And Jaehyun. Dongyoung, Kun and Sicheng are going to be showing up soon too, so you'll be fine."

"Thank you," Mark replies breathily. He was almost close to having an anxiety attack when he asked Taeyong to stay over, and for some reason Taeyong gives him a look, almost as if he knows what was going to happen. The older's bony hand falls onto his shoulder lightly, and Mark feels his should being squeezed comfortably. 

"Hey, if you need anything to calm you down, Taeil, Johnny or I could run out to your house and grab your medicine if you have any." 

Mark nods, his eyebrows scrunched to get her in confusion because _how the hell does Taeyong know what was going to happen?_ He doesn't even get his sentence out before Taeyong replies, "I have them too, it's easy to tell when someone is going to have one. It happens with Yuta, Ten, Johnny and I, we all know when we're going to have one."

Mark nods gratefully. "I, uh, I actually need to go to my house and grab some clothes, if one of you don't mind driving, that is." 

"I got you dude," Johnny pipes up, swinging his car keys around his index finger. "Where do you live?"

"Few blocks from here."

"Well let's go start up the car then, Seagull.'

"Seagull?" Mark replies, walking over with Johnny to his car, which turns out to be an old silver SVU, and Mark tries his hardest not to snort when he gets into the passenger seat and buckles up.

Johnny glares at him playfully. "Shut up oh my God, it's my aunt's old car. And yes, Seagull, because your eyebrows look like their wings while they're flying."

Mark flips the older off, and gets a middle finger back when Johnny starts driving off and he turns on the radio. singing loudly to some new pop song while he rolls down the windows, and for some reason, Mark's  _really_ glad that he didn't decide on his fly instinct. But yet the feeling is still there, the feeling that they're actually just tolerating him for their own sakes.

He drowns the thoughts out with Johnny's loud radio. as he yells at the ladder to make three more left turns and then a right. and then they'll be at his house.

* * *

 

**_"If nature is the skyline from a mountaintop--_ **

**_Then anxiety is the metal slab corpses rest on."_ **

Mark made sure to grab his bottle of anxiety meds on the way out of the house, where Mr & Mrs. Park told him to be careful, and she places a kiss on his cheek before he headed back out of the door and into the cold (it's a lot better than it was when he went to get Jisung off the bus, thank God), and back into Johnny's warm car, where the elder sat playing on his phone and drinking a bottle of water. Mark shuts the passenger side door carefully, and Johnny waves it off. "No need to be all soft with this car, I'm in the process of fixing up one right now with my uncle and my cousin."

"Really?" Mark questions, his hand laying out of the car window as Johnny pulls out of his driveway and down the street to the stop sign. The older nods before turning back onto the road where Taeyong lives through a shortcut that Johnny found, and Mark sees two more people showing up, this time they both have blond hair and he  _knows_ he won't be able to tell the two apart. 

His hands become shaky as Mark looks over at the clock, and he knows its time to take his medicine. Johnny pulls into Taeyong's driveway as he hands Mark a bottle of water when Mark pulls out the container of his anxiety pills out of his backpack. "Don't feel nervous about taking your meds in front of us," Johnny reassures him. "We aren't going to judge you. Neither will Dongyoung and Jaehyun, the two that just showed up. And the other two, Kun and Sicheng, they won't either. Okay?" 

Mark nods, rolling the two pills around in the palm of his hand before throwing his head back, shoving the pills in his mouth and downing two swigs of water. "Thanks."

"No problem. Ready to get this show on the road?" 

"I'm ready," Mark unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out of the car. "Let's do this."

_You're not going to be able to do this. You're just going to be a coward and leave them, and stay lonely._

Mark reaches back into his jacket sleeve and pinches himself to the point where he feels a drop of blood drop onto the palm of his hand. 

He's not letting the voice bring him down. Not this time.


	4. I Feel Nothing For Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seventeen people in total. Seventeen freaking people including himself. 
> 
> In other words, Mark wants to strangle himself because how the hell did he get into this mess in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Credits: “Hit The Switch” — Bright Eyes
> 
> (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KXJxi1Odfjk)

**_"If togetherness is the soft kiss of a lover--_ **

**_Then anxiety is the last living thing on the planet."_ **

* * *

 

"Oi, the two matching assholes show up!" Yuta yells when Mark finally makes his way back over to his chair, and Donghyuck pats his shaky hands. The two blond boys flip off Yuta simultaneously, and Taeil walks up to Mark and Donghyuck, handing the two youngest boys more cups of hot chocolate.

"The one that looks like a bunny is Dongyoung," Taeil points out to Mark again. The bunny-looking boy has wide set eyes, and a good looking smile to go along with as well. Mark nods along and feels Donghyuck's hand settling down on his shoulder as Taeil continues. "And the boy next to him is his boyfriend, Jaehyun, but we like to call him Woojae or Casper. Both names he hates, honestly, but he's dealt with us long enough so he just shuts up and takes it."

"Woojae? Casper?" Mark questions, raising his warm cup of hot chocolate to his lips and taking a long sip as Donghyuck's fingers tap along his shoulder. He doesn't mind it now, for some reason, because his meds are starting to calm him down, yet his legs an hands are still jittery because of his damn nerves. 

"His skin is really pale," Donghyuck mentions; removing his hand off of Mark's shoulder and he  _prays_ the younger boy didnt hear his sigh of relief. Mark was starting to get tired of the tapping, but didnt want to open his mouth and snap out on Donghyuck, and in turn feeling guilty plus being snapped out on by Taeyong, he seems to have that older brother instinct. Mark knows, because even though Jisung's isn't his biological brother, he still gets _way_ too overprotective, but he likes to think that it's for Jisung's own good. "I guess his nickname is better than Taeyongie's."

"What could possibly be worse than being nicknamed Taeyongie?" 

"TY Track!" Taeil yells at his boyfriend, and Mark hears a, "Moon Taeil I'll fucking stab you!" in response from Taeyong. Taeil turns with a smile towards Mark, who's eyes are wide open in shock. 

"He has bipolar disorder," Yuta whispers from behind Mark into his ear. "The first week after he and Donghyuck moved here, Johnny and him got into a fist fight because he was acting up when he didn't take his meds."

"Yeah, but we're all okay now!" Johnny pipes up from across the fire, ripping and throwing a piece of cardboard into the fire. "Right TY?"

"Mhm. Sorry about that by the way," Taeyong hits Johnny on the back softly as he walks past, and getting one in return as he wraps his arms around Taeil, who's sitting down on the ground about a few inches away from the fire. 

"It's all good!"

Yuta takes a sip out of what Mark recognizes as a beer bottle, and he squints because  _when the hell did they get beer out?_ "You guys drink?"

"Heck yeah," Dongyoung squats down next to the fire where Mark is sitting and hands him his beer bottle. Mark can smell, hell, maybe even faintly _taste_ the alcohol that Dongyoung is holding up to his face. Yoonoh pops up next to him, swatting at Dongyoung's hand and looking at Mark. Because of the effulgent flames, he could see a yellowish-brown bruise circling the ladder's eye, and a healing busted lip. Mark inwardly grimaces, seeing how whenever Yoonoh moves his mouth he twists his face in mild pain. 

"You dont have to take it if you dont want to," his voice is raspy when he talks, and Mark nods. He wants to drink it, but for some reason, his clammy hands can't grasp the bottle, and he drops it onto Dongyoung's sneaker-clad foot. 

_Way to go, Minhyung, way to go. Screwing everything up one little thing at a time._

"Oh my god! I'm so, so sorry!" Mark yelps out, running over and grabbing a roll of paper towels off of the picnic table and handing them to Dongyoung, the beer seeming to seep through the gray fabric of his Nike's. He watches as Taeil jumps and flinches at his loud yelp, along with Yoonoh and Hansol, plus Johnny too.

Dongyoung waves it off, standing up and throwing the roll of paper towels back over to Taeyong, who is refilling his plate with barbecue chips and his cup with Hawaiian Punch, or some type of red liquid. He kicks it with the back of his foot, which ends up hitting Hansol smack dab in the back of the head. Ten let's out a wail when he laughs. and it scares Mark how half of them could go from flinching in fear to laughing like a bunch of hyenas in .02 seconds.

Donghyuck lies his hand on Mark's shoulder, calming him down by massaging his shoulder comfortably. "Hey, no worries man, it was an accident. Dongyoung hyung never gets mad, well, rarely I should say." 

_Rarely. See Minhyung, you could've pissed him off and ruined everyone's night. Why are you—_

"Mark, trust me dude, I'm perfectly okay," Dongyoung reassures, patting Mark's cheek. "They're old shoes anyways, you're not dirtying up these old things at all." 

He fights the urge to recoil from Dongyoung's touch as he pulls out his smartphone from his back pocket and realizes that three hours have gone by, and looks around the fire at the chairs, where Yuta is now sitting in Hansol's lap, Ten is sitting on the ground, laying back so that his back hits Johnny's chair, and Taeyong has his arms wrapped around Taeil while they sway back and forth.

* * *

**_"If possibility is a child gazing up at the stars--_ **

**_Then anxiety is a dead rat in the sewers."_ **

"See, I told you this bonfire was going to turn gay really quickly," a random female voice rings out when everyone's calmed down (and by everyone, Mark means himself) and the others sit there in their seats before turning around. 

Taeyong lets go of Taeil's body and runs over to the group of girls, swinging one of them around. "Says you!"

Everyone runs up out of their seats and goes to hug the group of girls with brightly colored ends of their hair. Mark sits still, in his seat, figiting with his fingers and hands, before he realizes that he's digging his fingernails into the palm of his hand and slowly beginning to draw blood. There are cresent shaped marks decorating the inside of his hand and  _why the fuck isn't this medication working?_

"You aren't going to meet the noonas?" Donghyuck's voice rings quietly in his ear, and he takes in deep breaths,  _in and out,_ like a mantra repeating over and over inside of his brain. "Come on, you'll like them!" 

Mark has the heart to say,  _"leave me alone Donghyuck. I don't want to meet them, I don't want friends. This is too many people already for me to handle.",_ but keeps his mouth shut and nods, before Donghyuck grabs him by his non-bloody hand (Mark thanks God that Donghyuck didn't grab his bad hand), and drags him over to meet the colorful haired girls. 

There's one girl, with brown hair and the ends of her hair are dyed a bright orangish-gold color, and Mark gets to know her name: Kang Seulgi. She's twenty, works down at the convenience store five blocks away from Taeyong's house, and is dating the girl with the bright pink hair standing next to her.

Mark learns that her name is Bae Juhyun, and she works at the Dollar Store twenty-five minutes away with Taeil. She's twenty-two, very sweet and very stylish, Mark can already tell by her outfit.

_This isn't going so bad now Minhyung, don't fuck it up._

Then there's Son Seungwan, or Wendy. She's twenty and grew up in Canada like Mark did before he left. She has brown and blue hair, and Mark knows she's friendly when she waves to him, shakes his clammy hand (Mark hopes she doesn't notice), and smiles warmly. 

The next girl on the right of Wendy is Park Sooyoung, and she's eighteen with brown and green hair. She has a cute eye smile and tell Mark that she likes the style and color of his hair, and all he can do is smile and nod in return because he can't accept compliments. Never has. Doesn't know how to without stuttering and seeming like a child. 

And then there's Kim Yerim, she's the same age as Mark and she just moved to Seoul about a month ago, yet he has never seen her around before. Yerim has bright pink hair and flashes him a big smile when Juhyun runs back up with two chairs and Seulgi with two more, and Wendy with one more chair.

When Mark looks at his screen, he sees that the time had flown to 11:43 pm and Hansol is feeding the fire with Ten, there's now a total of fifteen other people gathered around the fire in their lawn chairs, giggling, eating, and drinking God knows what. When he realizes that there are two more boys that are supposed to show up, Mark groans loudly and then hides his face in his hands when Taeil looks over at him, eyebrows raised. "You alright there dude?"

"Um, yeah, I'm fine." Mark blurts out _way_ too fast, covering up his embarrassment plus his irritated groan. Taeil laughs, before turning back to Taeyong, who's gaze is lingering on the fire in front of them, and presses a kiss to his cheek. The others groan, and by others, he means Yuta and Johnny who are pretending to gag in the background. Taeyong flips them off along with Taeil, and Mark hears Taeil say, "you guys have a lot of room to talk."

"Okay smarty pants," Seulgi cuts in, brushing her hair out of her face. "You do realize at least half of us aren't straight, right?"

Mark's eyes widen. She's not wrong there. Taeil nods an then playfully throws an empty red plastic cup at her, and Seulgi flips him off with a perfectly manicured nail and a big smile on her face, while her other hand intertwines with Juhyun's. They can all hear Yoonoh cackling in the back near the pile of wood, when he and Johnny went to go grab a few more pieces a few minutes ago, and Mark sees Johnny drop one on his foot, and a spew of curse words fly out of his mouth.

"Son of a motherfucker! _Damn it!_ Yoonoh _stop laughing!_ This shit fucking hurts!"

Mark can't stop himself from laughing when he hears Donghyuck's laugh ringing in his ears and the group of boys are laughing their asses off. 

Two more boys show up, holding hands and laughing while the taller has a case of beer in his free hand. The one with the gummy smile is Dong Sicheng, also know as "Taeyong's favorite dongsaeng," Ten had said, which earned him a slap on the back. Sicheng's the same age as Yoonoh, while is boyfriend, Qian Kun, is the same age as Dongyoung and Ten. He's really quiet and shy from what Mark has seen so far, only waving with a small smile on his face at Mark when Johnny and Taeyong introduced them.

Now, with a total of seventeen people gathered around the warm, toasty fire in the middle of Taeyong and Donghyuck's yard, they're all choosing who's tent to sleep in. Hansol and Yuta are sleeping in one together, so are Taeyong and Taeil, plus Dongyoung and Yoonoh. Sooyoung, Yerim and Wendy offered to fit in one together, while Juhyun and Seulgi are sleeping in one together, and then Sicheng and Kun are room in up.

Mark can hear Taeyong cheering in the distance about how everyone brought a tent, and how he only owns two or three tents when Donghyuck sighs suddenly and says, "so, are we sleeping in the same tent tonight or not?"

Mark chokes on his drink. "I... Yeah. Okay." 


	5. Feel it All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping in a tent is comfortable for most people.
> 
> Mark on the other hand, wants to climb out and possibly throw himself off of Taeyong's balcony because why the hell is Donghyuck's arm draped limply against Mark's sweatshirt and blanket covered body. And why the hell does he feel so jittery?
> 
> He didnt sign up for any of this, let's get that straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Credits: "Feel It All" — Tokio Hotel
> 
> (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zu6umfJA2xo)

_**"If future is a woman holding her swollen, pregnant belly--** _

_**Then anxiety is being nailed into a coffin."** _

* * *

When Mark said his anxiety was going to go through the roof, he  _meant_ it.

After cleaning up the remains of the fire (and Taeyong yelling at them to clean up every single piece of trash in the yard because his OCD kicked in), they all piled into their tents, two or three people at once, and you could hear Hansol yell out a strangled, "I'm too tall for this shit!" and Johnny yelling in response, "I feel your pain buddy, I feel your pain!"

Mark remembers Wendy yelling a muffled, "Shut the fuck up!" to them when they were screaming at each other from across the area. Donghyuck threw blankets at Mark and told him to make himself comfortable before Donghyuck came in because he would take up most of the room in the tent with his arms and legs.

And now here they are, Mark looking at his clock on his phone, reading 1:37 am and his battery percentage somehow still at seventy-five percent despite playing on it when everyone was in their own conversations. When Mark realizes that everyone else is comfortable in their tents and asleep, Mark is crammed into the right side of the blue and yellow tent, three blankets covering his body as well as his thick sweatshirt that he didnt forget to bring with him. He knows that sleeping in a tent is comfortable for most people. Mark on the other hand, wants to climb out and possibly throw himself off of Taeyong's balcony _because why the hell is Donghyuck's arm draped limply against Mark's sweatshirt and blanket covered body? And why the hell does he feel so jittery?_

Donghyuck rustles around in the blankets, turning from left to right multiple times to make himself comfortable and Mark wants to shout, "I can't do this Donghyuck let me the _fuck_ out!", but keeps his mouth shut to not disturb everyone's sleeping. The cool breeze of the wind is rustling against the tent and Mark feels Donghyuck snuggling up against him, one arm and leg draped across Mark's body and his head laying slightly on Mark's shoulder. And  _oh God_ he feels like he needs to vomit.

He feels the bile rise in his throat and carefully pulls Donghyuck's limbs off of his body and runs out of the tent, going to the nearest tree and vomiting everything in his stomach until there was nothing but liquid. Mark hears his phone beep in his back pocket and another unknown number pops up on his screen and  _who keeps giving out his phone number?_

**Unknown Number (1:46 am)**

_I can hear you vomiting dude. You alright?_

 

**Mark Lee (1:47 am)**

_Okay which one is this now._

 

**Unknown Number (1:48 am)**

_It's Yoonoh._

 

Mark saves his number before replying back to him. Shouldn't they all be asleep by now? Especially Mark himself, because he's absolutely fucking  _tired_ of waking up in the middle of the night and not falling back asleep until his eyes close at the time he needs to wake up every morning: 6:15 every fucking day.

 

**Mark Lee (1:51 am)**

_Donghyuck gave you my number didn't he._

 

**Jung Yoonoh (1:52 am)**

_Ding ding ding._

 

**Jung Yoonoh (1:54 am)**

_Hey when I get upset or can't sleep I like to walk down to the convenience store to grab some snacks. Wanna do that?_

 

Mark looks over at Dongyoung and Yoonoh's tent, Yoonoh slipping on his sneakers and waving his hand at Mark, telling him to come on along with him. Mark grabs his shoes and runs to Yoonoh, and he doesn't even have his right shoe on when they start walking. Yoonoh stops walking and says, "I'll wait for you dude. I'm not in a rush."

The younger male  _finally_ gets his shoes on and trails behind Yoonoh, the taller male shoving his hands in his pockets and Mark doesn't blame him because it's 6° Celsius outside and Mark can hear his own teeth chattering together when he asks, "how the hell is this comforting to you?"

"I need to get out of the house sometimes, and the only place I'll ever go to is Taeyong's house, Dongyoung's house or the convenience store and sit out there and eat the shit ton of food that I buy." 

"That's what you do when you get upset?"

"Hey man, we all have different coping mechanisms. All I see you do is hide it all and act like nothing's wrong around people, but then you worry yourself and make yourself upset and sick when no one isn't around. Because you feel like no one's there for you."

"I–" Mark can't even finish his sentence because _holy hell he's right._ He swallows the lump in his throat as Yoonoh's hand comes into contact with his shoulder, patting it comfortly. "You're right. I'm just running away." 

Yoonoh makes a right turn down a street where the street lamps are brightly shining, clearly showing every sign on the street that Mark can see. He follows him, Yoonoh only taking a sharp breath before realizing it and stopping in front of a 24 hour convenience store. "What're you running from?"

 _Everything,_ Mark wants to say, but keeps his mouth shut. Keeping his mouth shut about his personal life is probably the best thing to right now, but with Yoonoh's piercing gaze staring straight at his face is making him really, _really_ uncomfortable. "A lot. A shit ton of stuff. What about you? What're _you_ running from?"

Yoonoh pushes open the door to the convenience store and Mark trails behind, the store smelling like Lysol and the buzzing of the one light going out can be heard in the dead silence between him, Yoonoh, and the lady that's at the counter, picking at her chipping blue and white nail polish on her manicured fingernails. Yoonoh pulls his wallet out of his back pants pocket and whips out a twenty dollar bill. Mark really doesn't want anything, he absolutely _hates_ when people spend money on him on stuff that he doesn't need (Mrs. Park bought him a laptop for his fifteenth birthday and he almost _cried_ because they spent that much money on him alone). "This town. As soon as I turn nineteen Dongyoung and I are out of here."

Yoonoh grabs a soda out of the fridge for him and Mark, thrusting it into the younger's hands as Mark protests. "Mark, get whatever you want. I really don't care."

When Yoonoh pulled out that twenty dollar bill from his wallet, Mark didn't  _think_ that he would actually use _all_ of it. Yoonoh grabbed various bags of chips, candy, and drinks and placed all the items neatly on the counter. 

Mark takes a look at the side of Yoonoh's face as the ladder bends back down at the counter and searches for his choice of another candy bar. He has a strong want to know why the bruises are decorating his face in such a painful way that when Yoonoh smiles, he simultaneously grimaces in pain because of his bruised eye, a sickly yellow-green color. Mark wants to know if he got into a fight and the bruises appeared, or that someone had beaten the hell out of him and Mark wonders if there's any more bruises underneath Yoonoh's thick layers of clothing, littering his pale skin. 

Mark doesn't realize that he's gripping the can of Monster with such force that his knuckles are turning white until Yoonoh pries the can out of his hand and lets out a low chuckle, sitting the energy drink can on the counter for the woman to ring up. While Yoonoh is pulling out the the twenty dollar bill again plus some more change out of his pocket, Mark reads the young woman's name tag, learning that her name is Sunkyu, and she has short hair dyed a reddish-orange color, which goes well with the deep blue uniform tee that she is wearing. She flashes a bright smile at Yoonoh when she hands him their receipt. "Have a nice night kids, alright?" 

"You too, noona." Yoonoh replies with a smile, and Mark is so out of it that when Yoonoh elbows his side, he jolts and smiles nervously as he walks out of the door and rubs at the right side of his body near his ribs. "Don't get so nervous! She's a nice lady!"

Mark reaches inside of the bag and grabs his energy drink. "Doesn't give you a right to elbow me, you jackass."

Yoonoh laughs, and Mark is glad that he took it in the way that it was intended, a joke. "Well buddy, you were so zoned out that I thought you ere sleepwalking."

Mark pops open the can and takes a sip as they retrace their steps back to Taeyong's house, while Yoonoh carries three bags of snacks and Mark carries the three bags of drinks on his arms. "That makes absolutely no sense." 

"I'm sleep deprived. You've gotta start dealing with us being sleep deprived." 

There's a small break of silence as a car lets Mark and Yoonoh cross the street, and Mark hears the plastic bags rustle as Yoonoh adjusts his jacket sleeves. He sees bruises covering the older's forearms, some old and healing, some new and turning a purplish-blue color, and others were a dark red, near maroon color and Mark hisses through his teeth and immediately regrets it because Yoonoh lets out a small laugh.  _What the hell is so funny about being in pain?_

"I didn't think you would see them, bur obviously I forgot," Yoonoh laughs, as they trudge up the hill towards Taeyong's house. "Those are the reasons I want to leave, y'know."

Mark sighs, should he really ask who did this? Should he pry into Yoonoh's personal life, which could eventually push him away?

 _It's what you're good at anyways,_ the voice says loudly in his head.  _Fucking everything up. Come on now Mark, you don't need this. You know you don't need this._

Mark's fingers find their way back down to his forearm and he feels another pinching sensation burn the entire way up his arm. "W-Who did it?"

_You've done fucked up now Mark. Have fun._

Mark thanks the heavens for Yoonoh not answering his question because Yoonoh's phone rings and Mark can hear a panicky voice through the receiver and Yoonoh looks over at Mark before saying. "I'll ask him. I'll see you later Taeyong." 

"W-What's wrong?" Mark pinches himself again because  _his fucking stutter is coming back._ Yoonoh rubs the back of his neck and shoves his phone into his back pants pocket. "Is everything alright? Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone's fine," Yoonoh coughs out. "Except for the fact that Taeyong and Donghyuck's parents are home earlier than expected. Except they're arguing and Mrs. Lee yelled for everyone to leave because the sleepover is done. And Taeyong refused to stay home with Donghyuck while they were arguing so everyone grabbed their shit and left." 

"Oh. Well what do you need to ask me?"

Mark's teeth chatter together as they continue up the hill. Of course this night went to shit, and Mark is genuinely surprised that he's the one that didn't cause everything to go downhill. 

"Okay, well we can't go to my house because my mother's beloved fiancé is a fucking alcoholic. We can't go to Taeil's because they're in the process of remodeling the basement of the house. Ten's parents are fucking weird as hell, Yuta's mom is  _way_ too overprotective of her kids. Hansol's grandma is sixty-seven years old and none of us really want to fuck with her if she gets angry. Dongyoung's parents are fucked up, Johnny's family is fucked up too. Kun's mom and family are out on business, and Sicheng's family really doesn't know any of us and that's _really_ uncomfortable for all of us, if you catch my drift. And the girls' families think they're over at Juhyun's house." 

"Holy fuck, wow, okay." Mark fumbles out. What do they do? They just can't run around all night in this kind of weather plus they could get arrested if some elderly neighbors thought they were hooligans or some crazy thing like that.

"So... Would it be alright if we camped out at your house in the backyard? Taeyong and Juhyun packed up all the tents in a separate bag, and Johnny could drive us over there. Kun'll drive some of us too, and Juhyun if we can't fit all seventeen of us into the cars." 

_Oh fuck. Nope. Nope. Hell no._

Mark fights the voice and bites at his lower lip as he fishes his phone out of his front jeans pocket and his index finger lingers over Mrs. Park's name. He's taking deep breaths suddenly as Mark puts his phone to his ear, because this time he can't run away if something goes wrong at the house. Besides, it's almost 2 am, Mrs. Park probably won't pick up and if she did. there's a slight chance she'll yell at him for calling her in the middle of the damn night.

He's wrong.

 _"Hey honey, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"_ Mark hears the sound of the TV in the background, as Mrs. Park's favorite soap opera come to an end and Mark is somewhat glad that the woman picked up.  _"Do you need me to come and get you?"_

"I... No. It's okay. Just... Um, The Lees' are back home early from their trip and yelled at all of us to get out, and their sons arent staying there because Mr. and Mrs. Lee are getting into a fight. None of the families are letting us stay over at their houses and... C-Can we camp out in the backyard tonight?"

There's a small bit of silence in the background and Mark bites at the edge of his fingers before Mrs. Park's voice can be heard through the speaker again.  _"Of course you guys can honey. Do you guys have a ride here? Do you have tents and warm clothing and heavy blankets to prevent you from getting sick? How many people are there?"_

Oh my God, she's actually serious. Mark throws a thumbs up over to Yoonoh, who's currently on the phone with Yuta. "I... We do. There's eleven other boys besides me and five girls. B-But if we all can't fit into the car, could you come and get some of us please?" 

_"Of course honey! Just let me know if you need anything! Get here safe okay? I'll make you guys some coffee and hot chocolate, you guys must be freezing! Be careful Minhyung, I love you."_

"I.. I love you too," Mark forces out through his teeth and hangs up the phone as Yoonoh gets off of the phone with Yuta at the same time. "Are we all fitting in the cars?" Mark forces out again, cold wind hitting his face as he slowly starts to regret his decision of letting  _all_  of them come over to his house. 

"Well," Yoonoh fixes the bags on his arms, "Dongyoung's car is going to stay in Taeyong's driveway. Since Johnny's Honda Odyssey is an eight seater, it's going to be me, you, Taeil, Taeyong, Johnny, Ten, Donghyuck and Dongyoung are riding together. The girls are riding in Juhyun's Jeep Cherokee. Kun's Ford Flex is a six seater, so him, Hansol, Yuta and Sicheng are riding together."

Here comes where Mark's claustrophobia also kicks in. Eight people in one car is  _too_ much, but as soon as three cars pull up to where Mark and Yoonoh are standing, and Johnny yells, "are you bitches getting in or not? It's cold out here!", Mark had no choice but to shove himself in between Yoonoh and Donghyuck, who is yet again fast asleep as they speed off and Mark wants to jump out of the damn car.

* * *

**_"If life is the things that people do everyday--_ **

**_Then anxiety is living as a ghost, watching but not experiencing."_ **

Mark learns that Johnny gets mild road rage when Juhyun's bumper is almost touching the rear of Johnny's car while they sit at a red light.

"Juhyun get the fuck off my ass!" Johnny yells out, and Juhyun responds by flicking him off out the driver's side window and honking the horn and Johnny flicks her off too. 

Meanwhile Dongyoung, Donghyuck and Taeil are fast asleep and Mark wonders how they are when the drivers are again yelling st each other when Kun pipes up, sticks up his middle finger and says, "Johnny stop being a lil bitch and drive!" 

"I'll beat all your asses if you don't shut the fuck up!" Hansol yells from Kun's back left window as they drive off. 

Once they arrive at Mark's house (and his knees are all wobbly from sitting in between Yoonoh and Donghyuck for so long), Mark has to shake Donghyuck awake, Yoonoh has to shake Dongyoung awake, and Taeyong is shaking Taeil awake to which the oldest replies, "where the fuck are we?", and Yuta's smartass mouth replies, "already got Alzheimer's old man?" 

"Are we at your house?" Donghyuck mumbles groggily as everyone unloads their cars and Yuta's mouth is covered by Hansol before he even tries to make a smart reply. Mark hums, slinging his backpack onto his shoulders and carrying a tent underneath of his other arm as Ten jumps up and shuts the hatch closed.

Mrs. Park then greets them with cups of hot chocolate when Mark has to go up and help her, and Mark has no other choice but to  introduce all of them at once, and poor Mrs. Park looked so overwhelmed but smiles at them anyways, gives them all hugs, pats their heads and tells them to get to sleep, that it's already 2:30 am and if they don't want to go to school that they don't have to.

When they pile into their tents, Donghyuck's arms and legs find their way back around Mark's body and the older boy doesn't have the heart to move Donghyuck from his comfortable sleeping position as he  _finally_ falls asleep, but not before hearing Taeyong screech because a cricket found it's way into he and Taeil's tent, and then Sooyoung yelling out that Taeyong should  _"stop being a little bitch!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know whether to call this a filler chapter or not because honestly I'm so sleep deprived right now, but I hope you enjoy.
> 
> \- K


	6. Storytime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So," he decides to open his stupid mouth after he told himself not to and asks them anyways. "How did all of you become friends?"
> 
> Johnny takes a sip out of the Dr. Pepper can that Sicheng threw at him after slightly pissing him off. "Oh kid, that's a long fucking story." Johnny pauses when Hansol pipes up,
> 
> "Fuck it. Want to hear it anyways?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Mentions of Minor Character Death, Bullying, Fighting & Overdose*

**_"Your mom... She was a good person. I hope you know that, Minhyung."_ **

**_Mark sits in the front row at the funeral home, fingers digging into his dress pants and looking down at his lap as he does so. His aunt reassures him with comforting circles being rubbed on his back, but how the hell is that supposed to help him?_ **

**_That's right. It doesn't._ **

**_His father sits down next to him after his aunt leaves his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. "We're going to be okay, Minhyung. We're going to be okay."_ **

**_It wasn't okay at the end of the day when there was a flower covered casket being lowered into the ground and Mark wanted nothing more to that be down there with her._ **

**_Four months later it wasn't okay when he found his father in the living room loveseat with a belt tied around his upper arm, spoon and lighter lying on the coffee table and the needle still in his limp hand._**

**_It's isn't okay when he's thirteen years old and slapping at his father's face, screaming for him to wake up while holding a phone to his ear and following the instructions._**

**_It isn't okay when he's at his dad's funeral, and realizing when his body is being lowered into the ground alongside his mother that Mark realizes that he's alone and no one will be there to see him grow up._ **

**_It isn't okay when the same day he gets picked up from Child Protective Services and gets thrown into an orphanage with a bunch of other children and finally realizes that no one wants him._ **

Okay, so maybe waking up from all of that and attempting to not scream for all of the boys to hear (or blowing out Donghyuck's eardrums, no doubt), is something Mark really didnt want to happen. 

Looking down at his phone, there's a few missed texts from Mrs. Park from 6:57 am saying that since they are still asleep and had a long night, there was no point to go to school, that she and Mr. Park already left, dropped off Jisung at school, and that she left the house open so that they could all cram in the house and have they're day off.

Mark  _once again_ removes Donghyuck's koala-like grasp of his limbs off of his body and unzips the tent, tripping and falling out of it in the process to find Juhyun's car gone and all the girls' tents gone as well, and Mark knows the girls wanted to go to school and Juhyun wanted to go to work before she got fired. Meanwhile all the boys still seem to be asleep in their tents and he takes a peek at his phone, the clock reading 10:25 am and Mark figures he has enough time to make them all coffee.

He runs up the wooden back stairs of his house and opens the door quietly, only hearing the sounds of the highway a few minutes away from the house, birds chirping, and the living room TV still on, one of Mrs. Park's other favorite shows playing in the background.

Mark pulls out twelve cups and turns on the coffee machine, making at least five cups and yells out a loud  _"fucking shit!"_ when he realizes that he's run out of coffee brew, and remembers that their next door neighbors, Mr. & Mrs. Kim, drink the exact same brand (Mark remembers because they've been over there for dinner plenty of times). 

He runs over, still in his pajamas, and asks them for the container of coffee, and Mrs. Kim ruffles his dry hair when he says that he'll bring the container back over to them as soon as possible.

Making the coffee, Mark finds his head being filled with thoughts about Donghyuck. Why was he so clingy? Why is he always clinging to Mark specifically? _Why does he care about Donghyuck so fucking much already? This isn't alright. Why?_

Mark finishes the twelve cups of coffee, and realizes the only way to wake up eleven ither sleeping teenage boys is by unzipping their tents and yelling for them to wake up. 

He was dead wrong.

Johnny throws a pillow at Mark's head and Mark finds a foot to the shin when Ten kicks him, and he sends them up for their coffee and tells them to put whatever they wanted in it. At least that got them up and out of the tent.

Dongyoung pats him on the shoulder on his way out of his tent, while Yoonoh mumbles an, "I hate you but thanks for making us coffee," as he exits his tent.

Yuta and Hansol are the easiest to wake up, when Mark only has to shake their shoulders and tell them good morning, and that there was coffee upstairs waiting for them.

Taeil was kind of a grump when Mark wakes him up but he receives a "thank you" from the oldest when Mark says there is coffee. Of course, Taeil waking up Taeyong is probably the most extra thing Mark has ever seen, as Taeil just rolls Taeyong over with his foot and yells a, "wake up you lazy piece of fucking shit," and Taeyong mumbles a, "fuck you dude I'm waking up." 

Sicheng and Kun are easy to wake up too, and Mark's greeted with two kind, warming smiles as they exit their tent and make their way up the back steps and into the house.

And of course, Donghyuck's already rolling around when Mark goes to the tent that they shared to wake him up. Mark doesn't realize how small his house could actually be when there's a total of twelve people including himself in his home but he somewhat enjoys their presences. 

It's around 11:30 am when Mark gathered everyone in the living room after Johnny made a joke to Sicheng (Mark couldn't catch the joke that was made over the commotion of eleven other teenage boys), and Sicheng walked into Mark's kitchen, opened up the fridge, held a closed and cool can of Dr. Pepper and threw it straight into Johnny's chest, and Donghyuck laughs while Kun, Dongyoung and Yoonoh physically grimace. 

"Taeyong's grumpy and edgy, go fucking figure," Yuta laughs, and finds a pillow being thrown at him by Taeyong himself and a mumbled, "fuck you," directed at him. Mark suddenly finds himself tired again, and it's only been  _one hour_ since he's woken up and it's starting to become too crowded, and it becomes worse when Donghyuck sits to the left of him on the leather couch and brings his warm cup of coffee to his lips, Mark smelling the faint scent of vanilla flavoring that Donghyuck added to the coffee while it was still hot.

Mark wants to  _fucking slap himself_ when Donghyuck curls into a ball next to him on the couch after yawning loudly. "Hey."

"Yeah?" Mark stumbles out, bringing his coffee cup to his lips with his shaky, clammy hands and Donghyuck flashes a gummy smile in his direction. "E-Everything alright?"

Donghyuck pats his shoulder, and Mark feels his body tense up slightly at the sudden contact of Donghyuck's cool skin on his own. "Thanks for letting us stay here, mom and dad were getting into it pretty roughly last night."

Sitting his cup of coffee on the table, Mark feels Donghyuck's cool hand slide off of his shoulder and his eyes glance back and forth at the other boys in the room. Yuta and Yoonoh are beginning to drift back off into sleep in their boyfriend's laps, Ten is taking sips out of Johnny's coffee cup as the ladder complains, "you have your own cup Ten please stop drinking mine," Dongyoung is caressing Yoonoh's hair, and Sicheng and Kun are laughing at the show that just stated five minutes ago on the television. Mark finds himself spaced out again.

_Why aren't you getting rid of them yet Minhyung? Get them out. O u t._

He pinches himself underneath his sweatshirt, this time on his stomach as Donghyuck's fingers are snapping right in front of his face. "Are you okay Mark? You spaced out for a few seconds."

"I'm okay," Mark finds himself saying although he knows it's a bullshit lie.

"Oh good! I thought you were ignoring me! I was starting to get a little upset," Donghyuck says with a small smile on his face as Mark finds one beginning to form on his own.

"Ten no! We're not fucking watching High School Musical 3!" Taeil screeches, startling Mark and Donghyuck both as Ten plasters a little smirk on his face and places the movie in the DVD player as everyone groans loudly. Donghyuck pokes at Mark's shoulder, saying, "Why do you have High School Musical 3?"

Without missing a beat, Mark says, "It's Jisung's favorite movie."

* * *

 _"We're all in this together, Once we know, That we are, We're all stars, And we see that,"_   Johnny, Yuta, Dongyoung, Ten, Yoonoh and Donghyuck are loudly singing simultaneously. 

"I'm going to  _throw myself off the fucking roof!"_ Taeil yells loudly over all of the singing as Kun comes back with the headache pills Mark told him to get from the medicine cabinet, handing two tablets to Taeyong who has his palm out and swallows them with a swig of coffee. "Who's joining me?"

Mark finds himself raising his hand along with Taeil, Hansol, Taeyong, Kun and Sicheng but he can't help but stare at Donghyuck as he sings his passionate little heart out. Sicheng stuffs his face into one of the couch pillows and yells loudly as the movie ands and credits begin to roll.

"I fucking hate you," Taeyong says, directing the words at Ten as he flashes a smile and flips Taeyong off as the older mumbles under his breath, "fucking smartass."

Mark suddenly wants to know how they all came together to be friends in the first place but keeps his mouth shut and  _again_ finds Donghyuck's arm linking arounf his and Mark doesn't have the heart to move himself as Donghyuck is still awake and he doesn't want to seem like a dick.

_Get. Him. Off. Of. You. You don't deserve any of this._

Mark finds himself pinching his stomach again with his free hand. "So," he decides to open his stupid mouth after he told himself not to and asks them anyways. "How did all of you become friends?"

Johnny takes a sip out of the Dr. Pepper can that Sicheng threw at him after slightly pissing him off. "Oh kid, that's a long fucking story." Johnny pauses when Hansol pipes up,

"Fuck it. Want to hear it anyways?"

"I wanted to tell it though?" Johnny says to Hansol, raising his eyebrows and death glares from Taeil, Johnny, Taeyong, Kun and Dongyoung are directed at Hansol as he begins and Mark already feels regret settling into his stomach. 

**_*September 1st, 2011*_ **

**_Taeil and Hansol have always been childhood friends. Everyone's always know them as either Taeil and Hansol or Hansol and Taeil, there was no separating them, their parents already tried that and there was absolutely no success._ **

**_Hansol's eighth grade year is when he started to hit his growth spurt and went from 174 centimeters to a whopping 180 centimeters and towered over Taeil, who was still complaining how he was still 170 centimeters and Hansol always pats his head and tells him that he'll start growing sooner or later._**

**_It's the beginning of the school year when Yuta transfers schools because his father got promoted (and of course, his parents had to have a screaming match over it). It's only six days into his seventh grade year where Yuta finds himself being shoved into a bathroom, being accused of looking at another boy's girlfriend when Yuta knows he doesn't even swing that way whatsoever, but that doesn't stop the upperclassmen from pushing him up against the bathroom wall._ **

**_Hansol notices though, and scoffs loudly, startling Taeil who's standing against his closed locker. "You're kidding me, right?"_ **

**_"What?" Taeil's still thrown off and Hansol slams his locker door shut, the metal clashing against itself as Hansol storms across the hallway and into the bathroom, and Taeil finds himself standing still in his place before he finds the courage to run over to the bathroom._**

**_Finding Hansol wiping at his mouth with blood and the other lanky boy on the ground was not what Taeil was expecting, plus the other boy curled in a corner._ **

"Wait," Mark buts in. "So Yuta only spent six days at the school before getting shoved into a bathroom and possibly almost got beaten up? And Hansol fought the other kid?"

Mark finds one of his loveseat pillows hit him straight in the face and Johnny with a playful smile on his face. "Shut the fuck up and listen man," he jokes.

_**Hansol ended up getting suspended for fighting, there was no doubt there, and somehow Taeil ended up getting a detention for intervening. Yuta later ends up learning their names and gets invited to sit at their lunch table.** _

_**Taeyong learns their names and grades too: Kim Dongyoung, sixth grade and Jung Yoonoh, fifth grade. Dongyoung's a loud kid with braces and Yoonoh's a shy kid with glasses propped up on his nose and deep dimples that form when he smiles. He becomes close with them while Hansol is serving his school suspension at home and Taeil's always sitting right next to him, laughing about how he has to serve detention for help in out Yuta and all of a sudden he feels guilty.** _

Mark finds himself interrupting the story once again with the question, "where were Johnny, Taeyong, Kun, Ten and Sicheng at?" but closes his mouth when Yuta reaches over and places his right index finger on Mark's lips, telling him to shush and let Hansol continue before the older stops telling the story completely. 

_***June 13th, 2013*** _

**_Hansol, Taeil and Yuta are walking around town, thanking the cool breeze during the summer to make the day less hot as they race each other to the park, Taeil yelling at Hansol in background and cursing him for his longer legs._ **

**_Yuta laughs loudly as they find the swing set at the park and Hansol trips over his feet and almost smacks his face off of the swing seat. "Move it, fucking lanky legs!" Taeil yells loudly._**

**_"Hey, I might be lanky but at least you hit your growth spurt!" Hansol laughs back at Taeil, reaching over to Yuta and high-fiving him, the three of them not noticing the group of boys who were playing basketball at the park court, and even those boys didnt seem to know each other well as they barely talked to each other._ **

**_"Who wants to go over there and talk to them?" Hansol suggests, running his fingers through his newly dyed dirty blond hair that his grandparents weren't welcome to at first, but being a grandma's boy, she let him do it anyways._ **

**_"Not me!"_ **

**_"Not me!" Taeil and Yuta call out, the game forcing Hansol to walk over to the boys and introduce himself while simultaneously flipping off and cursing out the other two in the process._ **

**_It's the summer where Taeil and Hansol are going into tenth grade, Yuta himself is entering ninth, Dongyoung is moving up to eighth and Yoonoh's moving into seventh grade._ **

**_Taeil and Yuta laugh when Hansol faces someone towering over him and the six foot tall boy waves happily. "Hey, what's up? I'm Hansol! And those two over there," he points over to the swings, "are Taeil and Yuta. You guys new to town?"_ **

**_A boy with yellowish-pink hair waves over to Hansol under the basket with the basketball in his hands. They boy standing in front of him is at least one or two centimeters taller than Hansol and he starts to wonder how the hell someone gets so tall. The taller boy waves, flipping his hair out of his face. "Oh hey. I'm Johnny, and the boy over there," Hansol follows his finger back over to the boy with the colorful hair. "Is Sicheng. The boy next to him," Hansol looks to the right of him and sees another short boy chugging a water bottle, "is Ten. And the lazy ass laying over in the corner is Kun."_ **

**_"Oh. Nice to meet you. When did you get here?"_ **

**_Hansol watches as the shortest boy (Ten, he has to remember his name), throws a water bottle at Johnny's back. "I got here about two weeks ago. Sicheng and Kun came here at the end of May and Ten came here a week ago. We met five days ago down at the ice cream parlor and we've been hanging out ever since."_ **

**_Hansol feels Yuta jump up on his back and Taeil letting out a long groan while pinching his nose. "The boy on top of me is Yuta, and the old man next to me is Taeil, to clarify."_ **

**_"I'm not even that old, but okay. We're literally the same fucking age." Taeil pipes up as Sicheng runs up and stares Johnny by jumping on his back._ **

**_Yuta, Hansol and Taeil learn that Johnny's entering the same grade as Yuta, while Kun and Ten are entering eighth grade with Dongyoung, and Sicheng is entering seventh grade along with Yoonoh._ **

"Are you going to tell him the entire story today?" Ten pipes up, when he comes back from the kitchen with a can of Dr. Pepper in one hand and a bowl of chips in the other and Mark really doesn't want to question how Ten found his food so fast. "If so, we'll be here for like, four damn days."

Hansol looks over at Mark and slightly raises his eyebrows when Donghyuck is yet again asleep on him, his arm still linked with Mark's and his head on Mark's shoulder and he sighs. "Want to hear the entire story today or shall we take a little break until tonight or tomorrow?"

Mark wonders how they could've become friends when in reality all of their personalities could seem to clash so easily. Taeyong looks over at Mark with a weird, concerning look and says, "Mark, follow me into the kitchen for a second, please," and Mark's pulse begins to race as he carefully removes Donghyuck's arm and head off of him, letting the younger still sleep and fall gently against the couch.

Taeyong places his hand on the counter when Mark finally catches up to him and he lets out a little chuckle. "Relax man, I'm not here to scold you or anything."

Mark lets out a deep sigh because  _I'm not making Taeyong pissed off already._ "Is everything okay? What's up?" He forces out through closed teeth, sticking his hands into his sweatshirt pocket and leaning against the same counter as Taeyong.

"You've always been wondering why Donghyuck's always clinging to you, huh?"

_Is he a fucking mind reader? How?_

"Um, yeah, actually. N-Not that it bothers me or anything! I just-"

Taeyong places his free hand on Mark's shoulder and gives a reassuring squeeze. "You're fine Mark, relax. He's like that with a lot of people. If he starts to feel a connection with you though, don't push him away. It may not seem like it, but Donghyuck's really fragile, y'know, dealing with our parents and all. They're going through a nasty, rough divorce and Donghyuck feels like he has to choose which parent he wants to live with or else he's going to feel as if he's disappointed one of them if he chooses the other."

Mark sucks in a breath.  _Holy hell that's a lot to take in, okay._ "I'm not going to ruin whatever's going on. I just... I have to get used to this, you know? I'm just used to being by myself. My entire life... My entire life I've just felt that if everyone leaves then what's the point in meeting someone, keeping them around, and them wanting to leave in the end. What's the point?"

_Or make yourself look like a freak too Minhyung, that's cool too._

"Don't feel as if you need to explain yourself," Taeyong says, breaking the few seconds of silence between the two as the others are yelling about God knows what in the living room. "I understand."

"Can we go to the grocery store?" Kun yells as Taeyong and Mark walk back into the room and Donghyuck waves at him with a bright smile on his face even though the bags underneath of his eyes are very,  _very_ noticeable.

"The grocery store. Is this where teenagers spend their days now?" Taeil sighs, clicking the TV remote to change the channels.

"Probably," Ten retorts with 

"I don't  know about you," Johnny changes the subject. "But I need to get in the damn shower."

"I'm getting in the shower first!" Ten yells, running over everyone while in the process of grabbing his bag and slams the first-floor bathroom door shut. 

"I have another bathroom upstairs!" Mark yells over all of the commotion and Yuta jumps over everyone, grabs his bag and stumbles up the stairs. "Second door on the right is my bedroom, bathroom's in there!" 

"Got it!" Yuta yells back in response as he slams Mark's bedroom door shut. 

"Taeyong and I need to get showers too, want to come over to the house so we can get them before those two dickheads run out your hot water?"

_Don't do it. Don't you dare fucking do it._

Mark sighs heavily, running his fingers through his coarse hair. "Yeah. I'll come over." 

Hansol, Taeil and Johnny end up going over to Hansol's house to use the two bathroom and Kun heads over to Sicheng's house to grab a shower, and they end up Taking Johnny's car to head over to the town ten minutes away from Mark's house to where Hansol lives. 

Is he going to regret this day? No. But is he going to regret going over to Donghyuck and Taeyong's house to use their shower? You bet your ass. 

_Don't be a fuck up. You always are. You know that, don't you?_

Mark pinches himself again. 


	7. I Want You, But I Don't Deserve You

"For Christ's sake, Dongyoung, pick a fucking dessert already! I don't want to be standing here until I'm 74 and barely standing up with a fucking cane to support me!" Johnny yells from the dessert isle where he's standing with Dongyoung, the younger unable to make a choice of two desserts for them to eat after dinner.

Meanwhile, Yoonoh and Ten are two isles down from the dessert isle, their yelling that could be heard from miles away after their favorite Fruit Sherbert ice cream being restocked after  _weeks_ of not being in the store is causing Mark a  _major_ headache. 

Mark's standing in the isle next to the frozen goods where Yoonoh and Ten are currently yelling from, trying to choose a type of pasta noodles for dinner after Taeyong offered to make them all dinner when they want to have it, when he feels Donghyuck's arm wrap around his shoulder and  _god fucking dammit_ he can feel butterflies fluttering around chaotically in his stomach. And thats when Mark realizes that he's fucked. "Do you know what noodles Taeyongie wants you to get for dinner?"

Mark shakes his head, keeping his face down to prevent Donghyuck from seeing the red blush painting his face. "No, he didn't say which ones he wanted. Does it really matter though?" 

Donghyuck's high pitched laugh rings in his ears, and Mark has _so much_ trouble keeping his feelings for Donghyuck in check. "Taeyongie hyung has OCD, he gets really picky about what he cooks with. I'll go over to the meat section and see what noodles he wants."

Donghyuck skips happily away from Mark and he lets out a breath that he didn't know he was holding the entire time. He bites at the skin near his fingernails as he hears footsteps near and Mark doesn't prepare himself for when Hansol comes up to him and places one of his hands on his shoulder, startling him to the point where he smashes his lower back against the pasta container filled shelves. "I see the way you look at him, you know." 

_Breathe Minhyung, breathe. It's okay. It's okay._

_Of course,_ the voice becomes comforting during this time, but all in all, it doesn't help him whatsoever. His breathing becomes labored when Hansol tries comforting him and all that he can hear is the ringing that is repeating in his ears when Hansol tries to reassure him and calm down. It also doesn't help when Hansol leaves him by himself, running away from him and Mark grabs the shelf behind him tightly, his skin becoming various shades or reds and whites right before Hansol comes in tow with Kun, Sicheng, and _go fucking figure,_ Donghyuck. Mark's chest pains begin to slow down but the feeling of vomiting and or fainting is not going away at all. In the distance (AKA the isle next to the one where the five of them are standing), Mark can hear Ten calling out for Johnny to help him reach a carton of ice cream off of the top shelf, and Taeil's loud cackling. 

Donghyuck slowly takes the boxes of pasta out of Mark's arms with one hand and rubs comforting circles on his back as the fainting sensation that Mark had felt just a few minutes before begins to fade away, but the strong urge to go empty the contents of his stomach is still there. Yuta yells, "everyone bring your shit to the cart! We're getting ready to leave!", and Mark begins to calm down, but the presence of Donghyuck's hand placed in the middle of his back still makes him queasy as they all walk up to the checkout line. Mark and Yoonoh try their hardest not to laugh at how the cashier looks overwhelmed at the large group of boys crowding one line, Johnny yelling out, "this is uncomfortable, let me out of this small space!" as he crouches down and scurried past Sicheng, Kun and Taeyong as they load the cart with the bagged up groceries, along with Taeil whining about how he is the one paying for all of the groceries, eyes widening when he realizes that the bill is $123.04, and Dongyoung pipes up with a "Shut up old man and pay the damn bill," and Mark swears he can see steam pouring out of Taeil's ears, but the oldest boy pays the bill nonetheless. 

"Alright children," Johnny announces once they get to the parking lot. "Get whichever candy bar you guys picked out and all the shit you picked out in one bag!"

"Yes father," Donghyuck replies, and Mark watches as Taeyong slaps him _again_ in the back of the head. They all grab whatever they wanted from the bags and shoved them into paper bags that Yoonoh grabbed on his way out from the store, Taeil is standing next to Johnny's car taking notes on who owes him money from the shopping trip.

"Mark, my child, you owe me $16.50," he nods to Mark, who now swallows the lump in his throat because  _there he goes again, spending a shit ton of someone's money._ Mark nods back to him, "I'll get the money as soon as possible," leaves from his lips and Taeil smiles.

"No need to rush. It's okay. Yuta, you owe me $10.64."

"Gotcha." 

"Johnny, you owe me $16.53."

"Oh yes," Johnny pipes up from the drivers seat, starting up his car. "Because I can pull that amount of money out of my fucking ass." 

"Stop being a whiny bitch," Taeil shoots back, sticking out his tongue as Johnny flips him off. "Sicheng, my darling Sicheng, you owe me $4.30."

Mark and the others watch as Sicheng whips out his wallet from.his back pocket and takes out a $5 bill, placing it in Taeil's palm.  "Hansol, you lanky bastard, you owe me $2.71. So do Kun and Ten." 

"Let me just whip it out here," Hansol says, and Mark watches as Ten coughs on his candy bar. "What the fuck?"

"Never say that again," Ten responds hoarsely as Johnny slaps his back to prevent him from choking. Mark holds back a snicker as Hansol hands Taeil the money he owes. "Johnny, baby, do you have $2.71 you can spare."

"Do I look like a bank to you? Your wallet should be in the glove compartment." Johnny laughs back as Kun hands Taeil the money he owns and once Ten climbs out of the car (and almost falls flat on his ass, Mark, Donghyuck and Taeyong let out a screech), he hands Taeil the money. 

"Yoonoh, you owe me $8.04," he says to the blond as he shoves the money in his wallet. Yoonoh nods, one arm around Dongyoung's shoulder as he says, "whenever I grab my wallet from home I'll give it to you." 

"Dongyoung owes me $6.41, Taeyong love, you owe me $15.60 and Donghyuck, you owe me $0.82." 

There's various chatter coming from the four of them, such as, "I'm broke as fuck," (courtesy of Donghyuck), "I'm your boyfriend, I still have to pay you back?," (courtesy of Taeyong), "Yes, yes you do," (courtesy of Taeil),  and "I'll get you the money whenever I find my damn wallet," (courtesy of Dongyoung).

Mark then finds himself  _yet again_ sitting Next to Donghyuck, as he's squished in between Taeyong and the youngest as they (read, Johnny, Ten, Yuta, Taeyong, Dongyoung. Donghyuck and himself) climb in Johnny's car, Taeyong yelling repeatedly, "get in the car in an orderly fashion for God's sake!", and Kun, Sicheng, Hansol and Yoonoh pile in Kun's car.

When Johnny passes Kun and heads towards the red light, Mark hears a vibrating sound and looks down to make sure it isn't his own, he looks at Taeyong's phone vibrating with multiple text messages popping up on the screen.

_Mother (12:27 pm)_

**_Get yourself home. Now._ **

 

_Mother (12:28 pm)_

**_Also, tell Donghyuck to stay with your friends._ **

****

_Mother (12:30 pm)_

**_Don't you dare ignore me, Lee Taeyong._ **

 

_Mother (12:32 pm)_

**_You better come home this instant._ **

 

Taeyong looks down at his phone and Mark can see how his eyes went dead at the speed of light. He watches as Taeyong types away rapidly on his phone and says to Donghyuck with a monotone voice, "Mom said to stay with these guys for a little bit. Hey Johnny?" 

Mark takes the time to look at Taeyong's phone while it's still on and can't help but read his repsonse.

 

_Taeyong (12:34 pm)_

**_Calm down mom I'm on my way._ **

 

"Yeah?" He yells back as he makes a right turn. "What do you need TY?" 

"Take me home quick? Mom wants me home ASAP."

"Gotcha. My uncle wants me home too, so I'll just drop y'all off."

Mark watches as Ten flinches at the mention of Johnny's uncle and wonders why but keeps the questions to himself as Donghyuck starts poking at his sides. "Hmm?"

"Can I go to your house?"

"Sure," Mark responds quietly, as he watches Taeyong chew on his bottom lip so hard the Mark thinks it's going to start bleeding at any moment, and how Johnny's now gripping the steering wheel so hard that his skin on his knuckles begin to turn white and Mark thinks how he hasn't been in this tense of a situation since his parents' deaths. Until Ten turns on Johnny's radio, blaring some Korean hip hop song Mark's never heard and stares out the window with his arms folded across his chest, is when everyone begins to talk.

"Can you turn this down?" Yuta pipes us from next to Taeil.

"Oh shut the fuck up," Ten responds hotly.

Donghyuck's clinging onto him again and Mark can feel the butterflies rustling around in his stomach. And he feels another pinch to his wrist, feeling his nails break his skin as Donghyuck says, "You smell nice today by the way."

"Thanks." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll get an insight on other character's lives. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter :)
> 
> -K


	8. Meeting the Rest of the Crew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chinese takeout always makes everything better, Mark thinks. Until Donghyuck goes and messes up his feelings again. Then nothing solves that at all. Taeyong's mother is paranoid and Mark is curious about the bruises on Yoonoh's and Johnny's bodies but keeps his mouth shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References to past suicide attempts, and references to child abuse.

When Johnny drops him off at home, Taeyong sort of expects his mother to be standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed like she already is. What he doesn't expect is for her to wave around the bottle of vodka that was at first underneath of his bed, and Taeyong groans as he shuts the door and barely has enough time before his mother starts yelling. 

"Are you an alcoholic all of a sudden? What the _fuck_ is this?" She yells, her voice ringing in Taeyong's ears and he forces not to cover them. "Do you understand how this makes me look as a parent, Taeyong? Do you?" 

_You're not here all the time so...._

"It makes me look bad Taeyong. It makes me look bad because my son's a teenage alcoholic and hangs out with delinquents!" She continues, and Taeyong fights the urge to smack his head off of the door or the wall. "You're going to ignore me now?"

"Are you going to try and cut off everything I say when I talk or can I explain myself?" He shoots back, and Taeyong feels a perfectly manicured hand hit his face. She has a lot of room to talk, Taeyong's seen her guzzle down bottles and bottles of alcohol before but he never bothered to open his mouth because **" _it's none of your business Taeyong, go to your room."_**

"I don't deserve this attitude. I am your mother for God's sake!"

_Sure don't act like it half the time._

"I drink because it makes me numb. There. You happy?" Taeyong finds himself blurting out. "I mean, you don't have to deal with mental illnesses so is it really your business if I drink or not? I make sure Donghyuck doesn't drink any alcohol but you're not really worried about us, right? Have you seen how Donghyuck acts, he—"

His mother whirls around from her spot where her back was previously toward him, and she snarls. "This has nothing to with Donghyuck—"

"It has everything to do with Donghyuck!" Taeyong yells back, feeling a burning sensation in his throat as he yells. The sudden yelling is putting a strain on Taeyong's voice but in all honesty, he doesn't even care because _enough is enough._ He's had it with being walked all over like a doormat in _his own fucking home._ "You think you know everything but you really, really don't know anything. You're not even here half of the fucking time, and don't you _dare_ say it's because you're working to support us. Congrats, you're a mother, but when I tried drowning myself in the bathtub who was there to call the ambulance? Not you, but Yoonoh. My _best fucking friend_ called the ambulance when he was sixteen and didn't even know what to do when my lips were turning blue. But _oh my god_ , you were there at the hopsital to what? Sign papers? To show everyone how _great_ of a mother you are? You didn't even fucking cry!" 

Silence. Taeyong knew she was going to be silent. 

"Oh, but that's right. Donghyuck has nothing to do with this when he fucking comes to me everytime he's crying and ends up falling asleep in _my_ bed because he doesn't want to leave or choose between you two." Taeyong pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs heavily to prevent tears from flowing and a sob breaking through his throat because _he can't do it anymore._

_**"Mom and Dad are fighting again," Donghyuck says, knocking on Taeyong's door as he enters and Taeyong forces out a yawn, sitting up from his sprawled out position on the bed and pats his comforter.** _

**_"C'mere." Donghyuck sits on his bed and then flops down. "What movie do you want to watch?"_ **

**_"The same thing you're watching now," Donghyuck points at Taeyong's TV screen._ **

**_"Oh hell no. We're not watching American Horror Story— Donghyuck give me the damn remote!"_ **

****Taeyong clears his throat and looks at his mom with hard eyes, her eyes showing unshed tears but at this point, Taeyong can't even feel sorry for her because _what's the point?_ "So when you want to start acting like an actual caring parent, you can come and find me. Because for right now, I'm leaving."

"Taey—"

He places on his shoes and slams the front door shut to find Taeil standing on his front porch, the rain coming to an end and Taeil's sweatshirt hood drenched with rain. "Taeil, honey, I don't have your mo—" 

"That's not what I came here for TY. I came here to check on you and make sure that you're okay. And by the looks of it," Taeyong doesn't bother to swallow the lump in his throat again. "You're not okay at all."

Taeyong finds himself crying into his boyfriend's shoulder and wonders how long he's been keeping all of this in. 

* * *

"Can I invite Jaemin over?" 

Mark turns down the TV, Donghyuck's voice being muffled by the loud action movie that he turned on two hours ago when they got dropped off. "What?" 

"Can we invite Jaemin over? You know if you're TV wasn't up so loud you wouldn't be deaf and you would be able to hear me," Donghyuck throws at him, a joking smile on his face and Mark's gaze is focused on the literature textbook sitting in the middle of his coffee table. "You remember Jaemin, right?"

"Doesn't ring a bell," Mark answers with a monotonous voice, spacing out as he travels circles in a clockwise direction near his knee. "Sure, I guess. Go ahead." 

He watches as Donghyuck's face brightens up and he jumps out of his space from the couch and runs to the kitchen to call Jaemin. Mark picks up the textbook and looks through it, skimming over the various stories, index finger following the words when Donghyuck pops up in his face moments later and scares him, making him slam his finger in the book. "Fuck! Ouch! Don't do that!" 

"Sorry," Donghyuck mumbles and when Mark looks over, the younger has a playful smirk on his face and Mark _knows_ he really wasn't, and he pushea the younger to the other side of the couch. "Oh, Jeno and Renjun are coming too."

_Great. More people._

"That's cool, I guess." Mark opens up his textbook again but it is forced shut when Donghyuck places his hand on the cover. "Donghyuck—"

"If you don't want them over I can just say that we're busy." Donghyuck smiles and looks down at his phone. "Ooh! Yoonoh, Dongyoung, Hansol and Yuta are coming over with the Chinese food!"

"You asked them to bring Chinese food? When was I supposed to be notified of this?"

"It's not take out though," Donghyuck pokes Mark in the shoulder. "Sicheng's mom made it and they had leftovers."

_Fine. I need some food in me anyways._

"What did she make?" Mark crosses his legs and props his feet on the coffee table, sighing heavily. It's been a day since Mark has last eaten, he wasn't in the mood to make the food that Taeil had paid for him (which reminds him, he still owes Taeil that money), but now he has to set out drinks and other various items if there's going to be eight of them including himself over at his house.

"Hansol said there's leftovers of Sesame-Ginger Beef, Kung Pao Chicken, Shrimp Dumpling Soup, and some rice."

Mark hums. "Tell Sicheng that I said his mother is a fucking godsend. That sounds delicious." 

"Jeno and the crew are here!" Donghyuck yells out, running over to the front door as Mark flops back down on his couch with a long, dramatic sigh.

He walks out to the three boys taking off their shoes. "Don't drag in mu— fucking _shit_ now I've gotta mop the floor." 

Hansol, Yuta, Dongyoung and Yoonoh show up next with the leftovers that Sicheng's mom had sent, but Sicheng was no where to be seen. "Where's Sicheng at?"

"Out doing some stuff," Yuta replies, yelling as he walks into the kitchen and sits the food down on Mark's kitchen counter. Mark opens up the cabinet and grabs himself a small bowl of Shrimp Dumpling Soup.

"That stuff would probably be Kun, knowing them," Yoonoh replies, mouth full of Kung Pao chicken and Mark chokes on his noodles as Dongyoung slaps Yoonoh's shoulder in surprise. "There are children here!" 

"Well, it's the truth!"

* * *

 

"I'm twenty years old and hanging out with school kids. What the fuck has my life come to?" Hansol finishes his small second serving of Sesame-Ginger Beef. Mark can admit that the food is good— scratch that—fucking delicious, he doesn't understand how much food one person can eat until he looks over at Renjun, who's on his third serving of Chicken and is devouring the tasty meat. 

Huang Renjun is around Donghyuck's age, a few months older, and his pinkish-red hair clashes with Donghyuck's hair color so badly Mark thinks he's going to go blind from the neon colored hair. He has cute bunny teeth and a cute eye smile to match.

Lee Jeno is a month younger than Renjun but is a few months older than Donghyuck, and recently turned 15 a month ago. He has big eyes and seems like he has a big heart as well. His hair is black with blueish-teal streaks and he isn't as quiet as Mark thought he was, when he cackles loudly at one of Yuta's lame dad jokes.

And for the first time, Donghyuck isn't the youngest in the room as Mark observes Na Jaemin quietly. Donghyuck's introduced then before when they were on the roof but at that time, in Mark's current state, he wasn't able to grab a firm look at Jaemin. Jaemin is two months younger than Donghyuck, with light brown hair falling softly on his forehead and has a  _really_ bright smile to match his bright and bubbly personality. 

The conversation that they were having turns dark when Jeno looks at Yoonoh and says, "you've really got to start covering up those bruises on your face."

Mark looks up from his plate of food and lets his eyes gaze over Yoonoh's face quickly and quietly. Yoonoh has a fresh, sickly colored yellow and purple bruise on his right eye, the blood vessels clearly shown in the white of his eye, most likely from the impact of the hit. His lip is split open, as Yoonoh tries not to hit the cut when he eats. Mark visibly grimaces and is surprised when no one sees nor questions why he did it.

_You think you had it bad Minhyung, look at your "friends."_

Mark pinches himself again, this time on his inner thigh while the room is dead near silent as Yoonoh rolls his eyes at Jeno. "Yes, lemme just go and grab some  _fucking makeup_ to cover it up. That doesn't stop the bratings Jeno, but thanks for the idea."

"Fuck you," Jeno shoots back.

"I'm not into children, sweetheart, but—"

"Oh just shut the fuck up and eat your food," Yuta grumbles, shoving a spoonful of rice into his mouth and Mark clears his throat. "You okay? We haven't heard you in a while."

"Dandy," Mark croaks out, his throat suddenly becoming dry as Donghyuck's hand rests on his thigh. "I'm okay. There's just a lot on my mind right now."

Dongyoung swallows down the rest of his soda and he and Mark make eye contact, making the younger feel slightly uncomfortable as the older says, "you and me both kid, you and me both."

"So," Jaemin pipes up. "Where are your parents coming home?"

Mark wants to say, _they're not my parents,_ but can't force the words out of his mouth. How could he think so fucking _selfishly_? Mr and Mrs. Park gace him a home, and if it weren't for them, Mark would most likely waste away his long days at the orphanage waiting for someone to take him in. "U-Um, they should be here any minute." 

"Should we go?" Hansol says, standing up and stretching out his legs. "I don't think they'd like eight other kids invading their home without their permission." 

"She won't mind. She likes the people I bring around."  _More like the only people you've ever brought over,_ the voice says in Mark's head and  _yet again_ he brings his thumb and index finger underneath his shirt and pinches harshly, biting his bottom lip hard to prevent him from letting out a whine. 

"You sure?"

"I'm... I'm sure. Just.. find a place to sit down, preferably on any of the couches or on the floor where you aren't blocking the walking area." 

The doorbell rings, and then a knock is heard and Donghyuck yells an, "I got it," before damn near teampling over Renjun and the others when Mark finally lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding in, when Donghyuck finally leaves his side is he able to breathe for a few moments. "Jaemin! It's your mom, you have a dentist appointment!"

Jaemin grabs his bag from off of the floor next to the TV stand and waves to everyone. "See you guys! It was nice to meet you, Mark!"

"You too!" Mark yells back, watching as Donghyuck waves to Jaemin and his mother when he tries to shut the door, but a hand stops the door and Donghyuck yells out, "it's the rest of them minus Kun and Sicheng!"

_You know you'll have to try and get rid of them all, right?_

"Send them in!" Mark croaks out again, pinching the bridge of his nose as Jeno looks at him but doesn't udder a word. 

"You pieces of shit want to hear the rest of the story?" Ten's high pitched voice rings out and  _for God's sake,_ Mark wants to hear the rest of the story but at the same time wants everyone to leave when Donghyuck sits himself on Mark's lap.

"Go ahead, lets do this," he replies tiredly. "I want to know how all of us became friebds in the first place."

"Find a comfortable place to sit, young Mark," Johnny snaps his gum one last time and then spits it into the trash. Mark notices the bruises on Johnny's neck and the hand shaped marks around his wrists but doesn't mention anything about it. "This shit is about to get crazy." 

"It's already crazy though?" Taeil looks over at Johnny, who flips him off as Taeyong sits down on his boyfriend's lap. 

"Can I tell the story yet or am I going to wait five thousand fucking years to get everyone to be quiet?" Hansol yells.

"Just do it," Mark mumbles, as Donghyuck gets off of his lap and Hansol begins. And for some reason, Mark misses the weight of Donghyuck on his lap but fights off the urge to tell Donghyuck he can sit in his lap if he wants to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lack of updating, school is nearly ending and I've been taking state mandated tests, plus studying for finals and finishing end of the year projects, so I apologize if this chapter was a bit shitty. 
> 
> ~K


	9. Storytime Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of how they all met continues from where it left off before, and Mark still has no idea what he's getting into. And maybe he won't know for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an entire mess.  
> I'm sorry for the lack of updating. I've been taking final exams and it's already the end of my school year, so you can look forward to more frequent updates, hopefully!
> 
> -Kaylee

Mark, Donghyuck, Taeyong and Johnny raid the Chinese food while Hansol is groaning about how he hasn't got to tell the story yet, and Yuta slaps him, telling him to stop being impatient. Sicheng and Kun, meanwhile, are complaining about how they're not going to be able to have some of the Chinese food. "Sicheng, sweetheart, your mom made this last night for your family," Dongyoung buts in, taking a bite of rice from off of his plate. "Lay the fuck off and let them have some for Christ's sake." 

"Can I tell the story yet?"

_"Yes!"_

 

**_*August 28th, 2013*_ **

**_It's not everyday that on the first day of school, your upperclassmen friend loses you and your other friends around the school trying to find your classroom._ **

**_But in Taeil, Hansol, Johnny and Yuta's case, of course it happens. Taeil and Hansol are in their 10th grade year, while Johnny and Yuta are in their 9th grade year and Johnny's yelling at Hansol because he should know these things by now, he's been in this school for a year._ **

**_The four were crammed into a history class together for their fourth period, and Hansol's leading them on a wild goose chase to find the room. Yuta's acting as a speaker between Hansol and Johnny because Hansol's leading the chase while Johnny and Yuta are stuck behind all of them._ **

**_"Hansol, Johnny says fuck you because you lost us," Yuta yells from down the hallway._ **

**_"News flash! Tell Johnny he's not my fucking type!" Hansol yells back to the younger, looking down at his schedule._ **

**_"Johnny, Hansol says—"_ **

**_"I heard the bastard! Tell him I said I'm not into people who look like frogs! Wait a second. We're on floor three, shouldn't we be on floor one?"_ **

**_Hansol looks down at his schedule. "The room number is 401! We're on the right floor!"_ **

**_Taeil takes a look at his schedule and then glances over at Hansol's before flicking him on the forehead. "It's fucking 104, dipshit, not 401! God! I'm never trusting your dyslexic ass again when we go to find our classes."_ **

**_Hansol rolls his eyes as Johnny and Yuta yell, "Amen to that!" as they run down the steps, Taeil  jumping on Hansol's back right before they hit the stairwell. "Carry me."_ **

**_"Do I look like a fucking pack mule to you?" Hansol retorts as Taeil situates himself on Hansol's back. "For a living twig, you're fucking heavy. Holy shit."_ **

**_"Oh shut up." Taeil mumbles, wrapping his arms around Hansol's neck as they walk down the two flights of steps to meet Johnny and Yuta, the two younger boys panting in the middle of the hallway after racing each other down the stairs, arguing about Johnny beating Yuta._ **

**_"Dude, how did you win?"_ **

**_"Maybe it's because I've already hit my growth spurt and I'm six foot two while you're stuck at what, five foot eight, five foot nine?"_ **

**_Yuta sricks out his tongue to Johnny as Taeil jumps off of Hansol's back, the ladder letting out a dramatic groan as he falls down onto the floor. "You know, some of us aren't privileged with tall heights such as yours and Hansol's."_ **

**_"It isn't all what it's cracked up to be, sweet cheeks," Hansol mumbles, picking himself up off of the floor and leading them down the hallway to their history class. "We have a hard time fitting into elevators and cars, shit like that."_ **

**_"Finally," Johnny drawls out with an exaggerated groan, "someone understands my pain." He high fives Hansol as Yuta and Taeil roll their eyes._ **

**_They feel all eyes on them as the four of them enter their class doorway, the teacher's nails clicking against her desk. "Way to get here on time, boys."_ **

**_Yuta smacks Hansol on the back of the head._ **

*

"And then when Ten and Dongyoung moved up with us, Ten was 20 minutes late to school and got chewed out by that foreign Biology teacher," Hansol snaps his fingers over at Dongyoung, who's eyes eiden and eyebrows become raised. "Fuck. What was her name? Do you remember?"

"I wasn't in that class with you- oh yeah! Her name was um... Nakano! Yeah! Right, Yuta?"

"She was the only Japanese teacher in the school that year. Yes, Dongyoung, I remember. "

"I didn't ask for the attitude man." 

"Well, in that case, you can suck my-"

 _"There are children here,"_ Taeyong hisses. "Christ Yuta, do you ever stop being a bitch?"

"Oh fuck off, you twit. Wait, tomorrow's Memorial Day, right?"

Mrs. Park then enters the living room, sitting her briefcase and her purse on the coffee table. "It is. Minhyung, I didn't know I adopted more kids."

Everyone looks at Mark and he sighs, looking over at the clock, reading 5:30 pm. "That's Taeil, Hansol, Johnny, Taeyong, Yuta, Dongyoung, Ten, Yoonoh, Donghyuck and Jeno. Kun and Sicheng aren't here."

Mrs. Park looks around at all of them and smiles, when Mark sees Jisung run past her and straight into his arms. Her smile widens when Jisung does it. "I hate to interrupt the fun kids, but Mr. Park will be home soon and he doesn't like the house crowded when he's had a rough day at work."

Taeyong dusts his pants off as he gets off of Taeil's lap. "Of course. It was nice meeting you," he flashes a bright grin at her. "I apologize for our mouths."

Mark rolls his eyes as Donghyuck leans off of him and everyone smiles. "Don't worry about it. You guys are kids, say whatever you please."

"Dongyoung get the fuck off of my lap," Yoonoh groans out and everyone bursts into laughter, including Mrs. Park. "My legs are asleep."

Everyone lines up at the door minus Donghyuck, when his arms wrap around Mark's midsection and pulls him into an unexpectedly tight hug. "See you tomorrow?"

"Y-Yeah."

"We're having a cookout tomorrow if all you would like to join us," Mrs. Park slips off her shoes and places them under the coat rack.

"Are you sure?" Taeil hums out. "Wouldn't it be too much people?"

"Of course not! Bye boys!" She yells out and waves as they wave back, Jeno shutting the door behind him as Ten lets out a loud "fuck!" as he almost falls down the steps. Jisung jumps on his back as soon as Mark stands up.

What has he gotten himself into?

* * *

 

It's the day after Memorial Day when Mark wakes up, slightly woozy after the party when Mr and Mrs. Park fell asleep and Mark  _somehow_ got encouraged to sneak out of the house by none other than Donghyuck and Yoonoh, who were holding cases of alcohol and whispered quietly,  _ **"the boys are at the park. Let's go and have a few drinks."**_

_**Mark had looked over at the clock flashing on his nightstand, reading 1:22am and due to his insomnia, he really could not, for the love of god, sleep. He slips on his baggy black sweatshirt and places on a pair of old shoes and walks down the steps quietly, hoping to not wake up Mrs. Park or Jisung, or God fucking forbid, Mr. Park.** _

_**He slips out of the front door, Donghyuck and Yoonoh waiting out in the warm weather (which now reminds him, when the hell did it get so warm outside?), and they're holding up cases of alcohol. Donghyuck raises an eyebrow at him and laughs. "Why are you wearing a sweatshirt when it's 78° outside?" He pulls at Mark's sweatshirt and Mark finds himself jumping away from the younger boy, realizing that the crescent shaped marks imprinted on his arms will forever been able to be seen by anyone if they aren't covered.** _

_**Yoonoh notices though. He nods. Mark doesn't quite understand why the taller male does not, but Mark looks down at his feet as they begin to walk the trail to the park. Mark finds the boys drinking and dancing around the park and wonders how the fuck the police haven't been called on them, but nonetheless, he sits down on the concrete pavement of the basketball court, where Hansol is sharing a bottle of alcohol with Dongyoung and Yuta is sitting on Taeyong's lap. Yoonoh pops open a bottle of beer, bringing the glass bottle of alcohol to his shirt and twisting the cap off. He leans down to the beer case and pulls out another bottle, thrusting it near Mark. "Want one?"** _

_Does he? **Mark stares at the bottle for what seems like forever.**_

_**Fuck it.** _

_**He takes the bottle out of Yoonoh's hand once the older pops it open the same way he did with his own. Taeil and Ten are on the swingsets swinging their teenage and adult hearts out, Johnny's also lying down on the basketball court with a bottle of beer next to him and his phone in his face.Plus Kun and Sicheng are sitting in the grass on the phones, Kun's head propped up on Sicheng's legs.** _

_**He finds himself later on in the cirlce of boys, Mark noticing how he's slowly beginning to become drunk and for some reason it feels good to drink but it isn't healthy to drink all of your worries away.** _

_But everything you do is unhealthy, **his mind yells out.**_

_**Instead of pinching himself and creating more bruising crescent marks on his forearms, Mark takes another swig of his beer before Yuta blurts out,** _

_**"Let's share some secrets."** _

_**Everyone looks at him in disbelief. Kun shoves his phone into his pocket, as does Johnny and Sicheng. "I mean come on," Yuta says, finishing the rest of his bottle. "We've been friends for how long now and we don't know each other that well? Taeil, why don't you start off?"** _

_**The oldest out of them takes a gulp out of his bottle and sighs. "I guess past physical abuse counts as a secret, right?"** _

_**"I guess it does for the both of us," Yoonoh croaks out. Dongyoung sighs heavily and places his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, Taeyong rubbing his boyfriend's back. Mark didn't realize how silent it had became until Yoonoh breaks the dead silence. "Who's next?"** _

_**"I'll go," Hansol mumbles. "Past emotional abuse from my dad. Who's next?"** _

_**"Me too," Dongyoung agrees.** _

  ** _"How many of you were abused what the fuck," Kun says after burping loudly and Sicheng slaps him on the shoulder, calling him disgusting in the process._**

**_Mark watches eight hands go up into the air. Taeil, Hansol, Johnny, Taeyong, Dongyoung, Yoonoh and Donghyuck have their hands raised high into the air and Kun plus Mark find themselves grimacing slightly. Mark wants to force his hand down but instead raises it, Donghyuck looks over at him._ **

**_"Is that why you don't like to be touched?"_ **

**_Mark runs. Runs as fast as he can to the house before he tiptoes quietly inside, collapsing on his bed and trying to force needed tears out of his eyes._ **

**_He can't._ **

****

Mark walks downstairs, his hangover still there but the stink of the booze is off of him after taking a 2am shower. He slips on a pair of ripped jeans and a tshirt before throwing a sweatshirt over top of his outfit. Mrs. Park cocks her head to the side as she grabs her briefcase. "Honey, it's going to be in the 70's today.  Why don't you go and take that off? Grab a thin longsleeve if you're cold."

_You'll send me to a fucking hospital if you see what's underneath of here._

"It's okay, I'll manage," he responds quietly, grabbing a bottle of soda out of the fridge and stuffing it carefully into the side of his bag. The bright lights of the stovetop clock reads 6:57 am and Mrs. Park hurriedly gets Jisung up from the table as he finshes the last of his orange juice out of his cup. "I'l take Jisung to school honey, just ride the bus okay?"

Mark's phone rings in his pocket as he walks out of the front door. "Got it."

He walks down to the bus stop when he realizes he has his final exams to take this morning. 

"Fuck!" Mark yells as he sits next to Donghyuck and Taeyong, the youngest boy nods his head in response and Taeyong flashes him a small smile before turning his head back to the window with his headphones shoved in his ears. 

"Forgot about finals?"

"You're damn fucking right I forgot about finals."

The only silence that occurs on the bus is between the two of them, Taeyong still facing the window when the bus stops, and Yuta and Johnny hop on the bus, sitting down in the seat across from them. Yuta waves at them before Mark feels his front pants pocket vibrate again and he looks down at the screen.

**Lee Donghyuck (7:21 am)**

_Can we forget about what we all talked about earlier this morning._

Mark changes Donghyuck's contact name after staring at him for a few seconds. All he wants to do is forget. Forget what he's been through. Forget  _everything_ that he's done in his life.

**Mark Lee (7:23 am)**

_Deal. Let's forget it._

**Donghyuckie (7:24 am)**

_Hey Mark._

 

**Donghyuckie (7:24 am)**

_Look at me for a sec._

 

Mark does what the younger tells him to do and raises an eyebrow in concern. Donghyuck shows him a gummy smile and clasps his smaller hand over Mark's. Thr older smiles back, trying not to flinch away from Donghyuck's burning touch. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Donghyuck goes back to looking at his phone and Mark looks over at the window which Taeyong has been staring out of the entire duration of the bus ride. He sees Taeyong's small smile reflecting off of the window and Mark finds himself smiling back.

He can do it. He can be normal.

At least, that's what he hopes.

 


	10. I'm Alone, but I Know Everything You Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Implied/Referenced Physical and Sexual Abuse
> 
> Title comes from Tokio Hotel's "Run, Run, Run," although it doesn't relate to the chapter. :)

_**"Don't you dare make me look like a fool in front of my own family, understood?" The mother's grip on his shoulder is hard and harsh and Mark doesn't want to be with this foster family anymore.** _

_**"Y-Yes."** _

_**The woman he wss first placed with had four of her own kids, a lonely, single woman who had seemed lie such a lovely person when she showed up at the orphanage but turned out to be a Grade-A bitch when she let Mark into her home.** _

_**"Good. Because I'll send you back to that place if you don't behave. Maybe they'd like you back." Her grip tightens on his shoulder again and 14 year old Mark bites his lower lip to prevent him from letting out a painful cry. "Got it?"** _

_**"G-Got it," Mark replies in a small, shaky voice.** _

__

"Mark, did you finish writing your essay like you said you were?" The teacher's voice rings out, catching him off guard as he stares at the clock and then back down at his almost completed essay. It's a double period, meaning that Mark had 94 minutes to do whatever he pleases during their free period of Creative Writing.

The essay could range from internal and external conflicts, to family or mini autobiographies, or how they felt on the inside compared to the outside. It was up to them to choose, and Mark was damn near finished with the essay but what if it isn't good enough? The teacher has a small smile on her face directed to him as he shrugs his shoulders. "I-It's almost finished."

"Take your time, you've got 84 minutes left of class anyways." 

Mark brings the pencil to the paper and begins to write again, because it's the only way to let your feelings out and not get judged.  He reads over the essay and plasters a small smile on his face, actually proud of his writing.

_"Alone. A word meaning 'having no one else present; on one's own.' A word that may not mean much to many people but to me, it's the way I've always felt._

_Abandoned. The word means 'having been deserted or cast off," a word that has meant so much to me in the past three years. When my parents left the world three years ago and no one took me in, not even my own family members, I felt abandoned. Abandoned by my own flesh and blood when the two people who have ever loved me died. Abandoned when I was placed in a foster home and spent almost a year and a half wondering if I'd ever be taken in by a wonderful family._

_Anxiety. Meaning 'a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome,' an unwanted feeling with what my life has been plagued with. The way my hands clam up, how I'm unable to breathe, sudden muscle tension, insomnia, headaches, and trembling plus being easily startled is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life, and it is not easy._

_In the dictionary, there are two definitions of the word fear: 'an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat,' and 'to be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening." The word fear and the feeling of fear will forever live within me. Fear is nothing to be ashamed for having, for everyone at one point in their life has been struck with the sudden feeling._

_As a young child, I had always feared death. I had the fear that I would be taken away from my family, dying, or having my family taken away from me. And as I'm now an adolescent, I hate to say that those fears have come true. The fear of losing my family became true. The fear of being taken away from my family has also become true. But the one fear, the one fear that still haunts me the most is death._

_Friends. But this time, a textbook definition of the word 'friends' is not necessary. Friends are people that you can rely on for support and happiness. To have them near you and with you at your worst and best times._

_I haven't had many friends in my life, but meeting a few special people has changed my life so far. The group of them are very special people, and despite knowing them for a few days, I'm already beginning to become closer to them, like we're a family of sorts._

_See, many can try and overcome obstacles, with time. It doesn't matter how long it takes, months ot years, you aleays have to put yourself before others, when it comes to mental health at least. Bettering yourself is one step in the healing process._

_It's alright to say I'm still trying to do so."_

"Mark, sweetheart, you're crying! Are you okay?"

The voice seems so far away but right at the edge of his desk is his teacher, concern flashing in her eyes as Mark suddenly feels the warm liquid running from eyes, down on his face and splattering onto the desk and his lap. "Mark honey, do you need to go somewhere private?"

He runs out of the room. Runs away from all the eyes staring at him in the classroom as he was crying. Mark finds himself up on the roof and he collapses against the wall, breathing become heavy and his finger lingers over Donghyuck's contact before he presses his fingers down on the keyboard, tears still splatting onto his phone screen.  

**Mark Lee (9:30 am)**

_Donghyuck_

**Mark Lee (9:31 am)**

_I need you._

**Mark Lee (9:32 am)**

_Please. I'm on the roof where I usually sit. I just... I need someone to talk to. I'm not in the best state of mind right now._

**Donghyuckie (9:34 am)**

_I'm coming up there. Don't move._

* * *

 

Dongyoung doesn't want to be here, yet here he is. Standing in front of Yoonoh's bedroom door, knocking quietly so he doesn't disturb him yet Yoonoh never showed up to school. 

"Leave me alone!"

"Yoonoh let me in!" 

There's a few moments of silence and Dongyoung is ready to knock on the door again when Yoonoh opens it, his hair soaking wet and there is steam coming out of Yoonoh's bathroom. His skin is littered with old burn marks, scratches that are months or only weeks old, from what Dongyoung can tell. There's finger and hand marks wrapped around his wrists and bruises spotted over his upper body. Dongyoung grimaces and shuts Yoonoh's bedroom door behind him as Yoonoh grabs a long sleeve from his closet. "He did it again, didn't he."

A small nod comes from Yoonoh and then a little cry when he lifts up his arms to put on his shirt. Dongyoung pulls over Yoonoh's desk chair as the younger sits down on his bed. "He just... Came in earlier and said he wanted something from me. So I just let him do it, like I always do."

Yoonoh lies back down on his bed and Dongyoung stands up, kicking the chair across the room as he sits down with his head inbetween his knees. He remembers the first time Yoonoh didn't show up to school, and the second, and the third, and now the fourth. The first time he remembers Yoonoh saying,  ** _"Dongyoung please, I'm okay. I'm just sick."_**

Dongyoung was fifteen and Yoonoh was fourteen. The younger ended up in the hospital later that night because he overdosed on his mother's migraine medicine. 

The second time he didn't show up, Dongyoung was sixteen and Yoonoh was fifteen when Yoonoh gave him another sick excuse, saying,  ** _"I'm vomiting, I can't come in today."_**

The third time Yoonoh doesn't show up for school, Dongyoung learns that Yoonoh's mother's fiancé had given him a beating for no obvious reason and left him unable to correctly because his back was in so much pain. It was four days after Yoonoh's seventeenth birthday this year and seventeen days after Dongyoung's eighteenth that Yoonoh looks at him dead in his eyes while they're at the park alone and he says,  _ **"he just doesn't hit me, you know. He does other things to me too."**_

_**Dongyoung quirks up an eyebrow before Yoonoh cocks his head to side, trying to get his point across without describing what happened. Dongyoung widens his eyes before holding his boyfriend's hand.** **_"_ Oh. Oh my God."** _

"Dongyoung please," Yoonoh's cracking voice snaps him out of his flashbacks.  "I need out of here.  _Please._ I can't stay here anymore." 

Dongyoung pulls his boyfriend to him, Yoonoh finally letting out tears and body racking sobs that he's been holding in for god knows how long. If only he could take Yoonoh in, he swears he would do it in a heartbeat. Dongyoung's mother on the other hand, would pitch a huge fit, while his father would just stand back and listen to the insulting and harsh comments that she throws at her two sons.

"We'l figure something out love, we'll figure something out. Now come on," Dongyoung gently takes his boyfriend's hand and pulls him off of the bed. "You can't miss finals." 

Yoonoh kisses him gently, letting his kiss linger for a few seconds before pulling away with a small smile on his face, tear tracks drying on his face and leaving marks. "Thank you. For not leaving me.  _Thank you._ I love you." 

Dongyoung looks at Yoonoh, and messes with his damp hair before he places his hand on Yoonoh's bedroom doorknob. Not once in his three years of dating Yoonoh has he ever thought of leaving Yoonoh, not in their current states of mind. "I love you too."

* * *

Mark doesn't even think for a second when Donghyuck appears on the roof minutes after he messages the younger. He runs up to the younger and hugs him tightly, tears still flowing down his face and Mark is just an absolute fucking  _mess._ Donghyuck sits the down on the ground, Mark not letting go of him and Mark can't remember the last time he's initiated a hug, it's most likely been since his parents died.

"Are you okay?" 

_You can't tell him how fucked your life is yet, Minhyung, he'll walk right away from you and never speak to you again. But you'd like that, wouldn't you?_

Donghyuck's thin longsleeve shirt smells like it has come straight out of the dryer, Mark notices as his face and nose is buried in the fabric of the younger boy's shirt. He's also noticed how Donghyuck hasn't let go of him, but loosened his grip to make his arms feel more comfortable.  

"I'm not okay Donghyuck.  _Fuck,_ I'm not okay," Mark nearly jolts at how raspy his voice has become, and feels Donghyuck's hand caressing his head softly and  _fuck he shouldn't be feeling this way about Donghyuck. Not at all._

"I'm not going to force you to say anything," Donghyuck says after a few minutes of silence. "Whenever you're ready to tell me, you can tell me. Sometimes all you need is someone to hold you." 

Mark looks up and wipes his face and Donghyuck smiles warmly at him, gums showing. "Yeah."

Donghyuck's phone rings and he takes it out of his pants pocket, Mark looks at the caller ID and raises his eyebrows, looking at the contact name:  _Lanky Doofus #2._ "It's Johnny," Donghyuck laughs. He puts the phone on speaker and Mark chuckles. "What do you need Doofus? You're on speaker by the way."

 _"Tell Taeyong I won't be at lunch today, neither will Ten or Kun."_ Mark can hear Johnny's voice over the starting of a car engine.

"Well Ten wasn't here today to begin with," Donghyuck responds, and Mark stands up and walks arounf the roof to regain feeling in his legs and feet. "What's going on?"

They can hear Kun's car pulling out of the school parking lot and Kun asking, _"how long does it take to get to the hospital?"_

"Hospital? Johnny, what the fuck is going on?"

 _"Ten, his mom and his sister were in a car accident,"_ Johnny breathes out. Mark and Donghyuck make eye contact and freeze. _"He'll be okay. From what I know he has a fractured wrist and a few cuts. But if they want to come and see us later it'll be alright. He should be out soon."_

Mark looks at Donghyuck who's biting his lip. They can tell by the elder's voice that he'd been crying too, just a lot less harsher than Mark was not even 10 minutes ago. "Hey Johnny?"

_"Yeah?"_

"Ten'll be okay."

_"I know. See you later lil dude. Thank you."_

"See you. You're welcome," Donghyuck hangs up and looks over at Mark, who's still pacing around the roof chewing on his fingernails anxiously. "Hey Mark?"

"Hmm?" Mark stops pacing and removes one of his fingers from his mouth as he walks back over to sit next to Donghyuck against the wall.

"Why can't none of us be happy?"

Silence falls over them before Mark pipes up quietly. "Sometimes life just throws heavy shit at us at a young age and we don't know how to handle it." 

"Maybe you're right."

They sit in silence, wondering if they can handle what life is throwing at them at Mark nods when Donghyuck is looking down at his phone, playing Pac Man. 

He can do it.

_Can you?_


	11. Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Physical/Sexual Abuse, Suicide Attempts and Past Bulimia.

When your mother is a drug addict and your father is always on business trips (Johnny later figured out that these "business trips" were nothing more than affairs), you don't know the right way to love.

You never know the right way to love when your mother is strung out on the couch, in the bedroom, the bathtub (hell, Johnny found he in the kitchen one time nearly passing out from popping pills), and your father is always away, screwing with other women, coming home and getting into arguments and half of the time ignoring his own son.

Johnny was thirteen and a half when his father left. Threw his bags at the front door and didn't bother to tell his  _own son_ until his hand was on the doorknob and Johnny refused to let go of his father. His mom didn't stop him though, she was already high off of her ass.

**_"Don't leave me with her," he whispers brokenly, clinging onto his father as the older man sighs heavily. "Please... Please take me with you."_ **

**_Johnny feels himself pushed gently off of his father and his father wipes his hands on his suit jacket. "It'll be okay buddy, I'll come back and get you, okay? Does that sound good Youngho?"_ **

**_He nods heavily, the smell of smoke permeating the air as his father shuts the door, and he's never felt so lonely._ **

**_Johnny ends up with unneeded bruises and ten stitches that day because his mother throws a glass and hits him in the arm._ **

**_His father doesn't attempt to come back. He never did._ **

"Johnny, relax. I'm okay. I'll be okay," Ten reassures the taller, who's hugging him as tightly as he can without hurting his boyfriend's fractured wrist. 

"Says the one who's in the hospital bed."

"Oh my God. Drop the sarcasm for two seconds love." Ten bites back playfully as he lays back onto the bed and drinks a glass of orange juice that the nurse gave to him while they were doing tests. "They have to give me more stitches here soon, so if you want to leave you minds well do it now."

"I'm not leaving you."

"But you _despise_ needles Johnny. You don't need to babysit me through this."

He finds himself flinching at the mention of needles. But Johnny refuses to leave. "I'll cover my eyes, I won't see a thing."

"You are a persistent person aren't you," Ten laughs as the nurse comes back in with the utensils needed for the stitching. "But that's why I love you."

"I love you too." 

"What am I going to do when you graduate?" 

Fuck, Johnny  _possibly_ forgot that he has to take three more finals and then his high school career is over. Ten on the other hand has one more year left in that hellhole, and Johnny has to walk the stage in three days along with Yuta and Taeyong, and in all honesty, he thought he wouldn't make it this far.

"You'll figure something out. I'm not going to college just yet."

"And a procrastinator at that too. Jesus Johnny, why are you the way that you are?" Ten hisses while Johnny turns his body away so he doesn't have to see the needle entering the younger's skin. "I love you."

"We just said that not even ten minutes ago. But I love you too."

"There's not a certain amount of times that you're supposed to say 'I love you' to the ones you love Johnny. Remember that." 

_**"Momma, I love you."** _

_**"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get in the damn car. Making me look like a child abuser with your bruises and those fucking stitches."** _

_**He ends up in the hospital a week after his fourteenth birthday because of her. Or more likely, her drug dealer. Being abused by your mother is one thing, but when you're forced by one of your mother's drug dealers to do something you've never wanted to do, it's a hell of a lot different.** _

_**"Should've done what he asked you to do," she tells him, blowing a cloud of smoke into his face. "Wouldn't have gotten into this damn situation in the first place."** _

_**"If you didn't invite him over in the first place we wouldn't be in this. It's your fault that he forced me to do all of that stuff. But you don't feel the pain that I feel."** _

**_What Johnny doesn't expect to feel is a slap across the face and the metallic tastheof blood in his mouth._ **

**_He faces this all for another year until finally, finally someone finds about the abusive drug dealers and his mother. It's a month before he meets all of the boys that Johnny moves to Korea with his aunt and uncle._ **

**_The same thing still goes on, but at least there isn't drug dealers doing it. A part of him is free, at least._ **

Johnny smiles. If he would've followed his parent's example of "love," he wouldn't have been with Ten all these years. Would've never met him, never would've been through all the shit he's been through nor have Ten's comfort.

"Well you know what? I love you more."

* * *

"Taeyong, I swear to fucking God if you cheat in this game-"

"Kun I'll make you swallow those words after I beat your ass," Taeyong shoots back, the two of them playing on playing on their phones at the lunch table. Sicheng plops down next to Kun while Dongyoung and Yoonoh sit next on the right of Taeyong. Yuta sits on the empty seat next to Yoonoh, picking around at his food when Taeyong raises his eyebrows, looking away from the game on his phone, raising his middle finger to Kun when he yells, "game over motherfucker! I win!"

"Hey Yuta, you alright?" Taeyong whispers in his ear, moving out of his seat and sliding onto the empty seat next to the slightly younger male. Yuta nods quietly, playing around with the noodles on his plate with the cafeteria's cheap plastic eating utensils. "You're not-"

"Taeyong. I'm not relapsing, okay? I'm fine," Yuta raises his eyebrows once he looks up from his plate to the other boy. "Please."

Taeyong pats his back, and gives him a small hug. "You know, if you ever feel like you're about to, call me. I'll come over and watch a movie with you and we can talk about it, make you feel comfortable. Okay?"

"You always know how to make me feel better Tae. What would I do without you?"

"I don't know. Bur promise me one thing?"

"Anything for my best friend."

"Just don't," Taeyong breaks his sentence off and reaches for his bottle of tea off of his styrofoam lunch plate. He swallows a large sip before speaking again. "Just don't binge and purge again. Can you try that for me?"

Yuta swallows a bite of his noodles. "Got it." Taeyong pats the back of his head and walks back over to his seat and he begins to silently mess around with the little food he has on his plate.

He remembers the one time after a cookout where Taeyong waltzed into the bathroom, not knowing he was in there and walked in on him shoving his fingers down his throat.

**_"Yuta, Jesus Christ."_ **

**_"It's none of your business Tae," he replies, getting up off of his knees and flushes the toilet before taking a piece of toilet paper and wiping his mouth._ **

**_"I think after walking in on you doing this, it is my business now."_ **

**_"If you don't know why I'm doing it Taeyong, then you should shut yout mouth about it," Yuta fires back, walking past the slightly older male when Taeyong's hand catches his wrist. "Taeyong, let go of me."_ **

**_"Does Hansol know?"_ **

**_"We're not dating yet."_ **

**_"Yet," Taeyong repeats, letting go of Yuta's wrist. "I don't know why you're doing this but don't hesitate to come to me when you need help, alright?"_ **

**_"You know, when you're taunted for most of your life because of what you look like Tae, it gets to you."_ **

"So um, hate to break anyone's conversations up," Yoonoh says sarcastically with a smile on his face. "But where's Johnny at?"

"Drove him to the hospital," Kun replies, handing Yuta an apple and he forces himself to eat it. "Ten was in a minor car accident."

"Holy shit."

Yuta looks around the table while playing around with his fingers, noticing the old scars on his hands (he can't even remember what they came from, but that's not the point). "Where's Mark and Donghyuck at?"

Taeyong looks like he's about to have a coronary when he pulls out his phone, index finger tapping on Donghyuck's phone contact. 

* * *

"I'm surprised that we didn't go to lunch. Wouldn't Taeyong be worried?" Mark whispers as Donghyuck pulls out a chair from next to him and sits down, pulling out a water bottle from his bookbag and a small bag of chips. He hands Mark half of his sandwich (it's ham, turkey, lettuce and tomato on bread, he notices), and Mark watches as Donghyuck carefully opens the bag of chips as they sit in the back of the library.

"He would be," Donghyuck quietly replies, swallowing a bite of his sandwich and swallows a sip of his water. "But he'll call me sooner or later. He knows I wouldn't ditch class in the middle of the day."

He and Donghyuck decided to not go to lunch after their deep conversation on the roof (and in addition to Mark's pounding headahce from all of the crying that he did). Donghyuck decided to leave Mark's personal life alone and Mark was going to ask him a question, because God did he want to know Donghyuck better, but he kept his mouth shut, almost as if there was a bottle of glue sealing his lips together or a piece of duct tape slapped over his mouth to prevent him from making a fool out of himself.

He's going to do it anyways.

The library only contains of a few students turning in their library books for the year, others finishing up their finals or quietly chatting to their friends as they discussed what plans they had for the summer and what colleges they planned on applying to.

Yet Mark doesn't even know how far he'll go in life.

"Why'd you move here?" Mark blurts out, and immediately he takes a sip out of his own water bottle that he placed in his sweatshirt pocket earlier in the day. "I mean, I'm glad you're here, really. I didn't mean that I-"

"Relax," Donghyuck chuckles, moving closer to him and places his index finger over Mark's lips to quiet his anxious rambling down. For some  _odd_ reason, Mark doesn't have the strength nor the will to move Donghyuck away from him. Donghyuck moves back on his own and Mark bites down on his lower lip harshly to prevent letting out a deep, relieving sigh while at the same time Donghyuck does the exact thing. "Taeyongie, he uh, tried killing himself, it was the first time actually. He tried slitting his wrists, his ex boyfriend found him before mom, dad and I could come home. He was getting bullied at home and my mom put so much pressure on him to be perfect that he just couldn't take it anymore. We moved here four weeks after he did that." 

Mark chokes on his water and coughs loudly, gaining the attention of everyone as the librarian raises her eyebrows, widens her eyes and places a finger on her lips, telling him to be at least a little more quieter. He couldn't help it though, how else would you react after hearing that one of your friends intentionally tried to end his life?

"What do you mean, 'the first time'?" 

_Don't you ever stop being so fucking nosey Minhyung? How would you like it if he just pried into your life like what you're doing now?_

Mark earns a few more crescent shaped marks on his forearm and Donghyuck pats his shoulder. The older male doesn't know if it's a reassuring act or not, but Donghyuck smiles and nods. "It's alright to ask me about all of this, you know. I trust you." 

**_"I trust you to not tell anyone about this, do you understand?"_ **

**_Mark looks down at the hand shaped marks on his arms, the woman's handprint visible on his skin._ **

**_"I said, do you understand?" Her manicured hand grips his chin, and Mark's eyes make contact with hers. "If I have to repeat myself one more time-"_ **

**_"I understand."_ **

**_She pats his head and smiles, letting go of his chin. "Good boy."_ **

"Hey Mark," Donghyuck's snapping his fingers in front of his face while laughing. "Lunch is about to end in ten minutes. Let me finish this while I can."

"Sorry. Go ahead," Mark mumbles, picking up his half of Donghyuck's sandwich that was long forgotten about and takes a bite out of it. "Just thought of something."

"It's alright, I could tell. Anyways," Donghyuck finishes his sandwich and places the remaining trash on the library table where they're sitting. "When we got here, the only reason why you didn't meet us was because Taeyongie tried drowning himself in the bathtub about two days after we moved here. That's when he got diagnosed as bipolar, and-"

Mark sighs heavily and swallows the rest of his water when Donghyuck pulls out his vibrating phone from his pants and go figure, it's Taeyong. "Told you he'd be worried."

"Oh shush your face," Donghyuck shoots back playfully. "Hello?"

Mark can hear Taeyong's voice through Donghyuck's phone speaker. It isn't loud or angry, but quiet and concerning and Mark wonders how Taeyong is when he's angry. He doesn't want to find out anytime soon.  _"Where are you and Mark at? Is everything okay?"_

"We're fine," Donghyuck replies softly, nodding at the trash in front of them and covers the reciever. "Do you want me to throw that all out when we leave or do you want to do it?"

"I'll do it when the bell rings," Mark replies, nodding his head. Donghyuck mouths out a small 'thank you'.

"We're at the library eating. Mark had a headache and he doesn't like loud noises when he's in pain." 

_"Oh that's fine. Just wanted to make sure that you two were okay and that you both were still in school, so that I don't have to tell mom and dad that you skipped. Mom really wouldn't like that, and I don't think Mark's mom would like it either."_

Mark visibly flinches at the word mom and he doesn't care who saw it or not. Donghyuck nods quietly and sighs out an, "Yes, I know. Hey Taeyongie, can you please do me a favor?"

_"Anything for you. What do you need?"_

"You have what, two days of school left? Make the best of it. Don't worry about me all throughout the school day. Make the rest of your high school career memorable, okay?"

_"I won't be able to stop worrying about you, Hyuckie. But I'l stop calling you throughout the school day, okay? I love you."_

"I love you more," Donghyuck times his statement as soon as the bell rings. He locks his phone screen and shoves his phone back into his pants pocket. Mark gathers up all of the trash from their lunch and feels his sleeve roll up and pushes it down quickly, because  _for God's sake,_ he doesn't need Donghyuck to think he's a freak. "Aren't you hot in that?" Donghyuck says to him, as Mark throws their trash out in the can nearest to the double doors of the library as they walk out.

"No. Actually, I'm quite cold." 

"It's 80 degress outside."

"Your point?" Mark feels blood coming out from the fingernail marks he made earlier on his skin and he shoves his hands into his sweatshirt pocket. Donghyuck looks over at him and nudges him in the arm with his elbow, chuckling.

"Whatever you say hyung, whatever you say." 

Mark nods. Whatever he says indeed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew okay this chapter was a boatload of angst.
> 
> Y'all can expect more frequent updates now that I'm out of school for summer break! Oh, and I'm now a junior, yay me! :) 
> 
> ~Kaylee


	12. You Can’t Put a Price on My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Listen kid, if you really do feel that way about him, just ask him out already."
> 
> "But-"
> 
> "But don't wait too long," Taeyong smiles at him, releasing his shoulder out his soft grip. "You'll probably regret it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of an eating disorder and blood.

  
_**"That innocent child has grown up suddenly** _  
_**Now I’ll awaken this fearful society** _  
_**Share a story with the new me** _  
_**You can’t put a price on my life** _  
_**It’s a life that can’t be exchanged with anyone else’s."** _

_**~BAP, 'Wake Me Up'** _

* * *

"Oh hey, here comes the cripple," Hansol laughs out, sitting his can of iced tea down on the glass table in Yuta's backyard. Many of them are either sitting on the chairs that are for the table and the others are sitting on either lawn or picnic chairs. Kun throws his keys on his seat and sits down with a heavy sigh, Ten taking his uninjured hand and flipping off Hansol in the process as Johnny hands him a red solo cup filled with soda. "Just kidding man. We're all glad you're okay."

"Yeah seriously," Sicheng pipes up, stealing the can of ice cold soda that Kun had gotten out of the cooler and takes a sip. "We were pretty scared."

Ten takes a seat in between Mark and Johnny, propping his legs on the glass table, with Yuta swatting away at his feet. "Thanks guys. That means a lot."

"So how long are you going to be in that sling there buddy?" Taeyong chews on his straw and Taeil kicks him for sounding sarcastic. "What? I was being fucking genuine." 

"I haven't been told yet," Ten replies, leaning over and grabbing a plastic fork from the container. He reaches over and takes a strawberry off of Kun's plate, to which the older slaps Ten's hand in the process of him shoving the strawberry into his mouth. "Probably a few weeks." 

"Anyways, off of the depressing shit," Donghyuck takes Mark's drink and takes a sip out of it. Mark doesn't protest but instead lets Donghyuck have the cup full of soda along with some of his fruit. "You guys are graduating in two days. How does it feel?"

"Exhausting," Yuta drops his head onto the table carefully and Hansol pats his back. "But it's all worth it."

"I'm ready. I don't know what I'm going to do after I get out, but I'm ready." Taeyong reaches across the table and ruffles Donghyuck's hair, the younger boy pulling away and running to Taeyong, doing the same to his newly dyed pink hair. 

Johnny yawns loudly. "Me too."

Time passes after the conversation when Yuta drags out a case of alcohol and props it up on an empty chair. There are multiple groans, mostly from Taeil, Kun and Sicheng because after the party they had on Memorial Day in the park, they swore not to drink anymore.

Mark finds himself reaching over for a bottle and immediately pops it open. He almost takes a sip before Donghyuck slaps his shoulder playfully. "They're doing a toast, you know." Mark can hear the playful tone in his voice but in his mind, the words are said sternly, almost as if he's being yelled at like a little kid. He finds himself nearly sinking down into his chair when everyone pops their bottles open simultaneously. "I wasn't trying to be mean, you know that right?"

"I know," Mark breathes out heavily. 

"Who's doing the toast?" Hansol looks over at Taeyong, who shakes his head quickly. "Okay, since Taeyong won't do it, we'll have the oldest do it. Taeil, the floor's yours." 

Taeil pops open his bottle after moments of struggling to get it open and glares at Hansol. "Okay. So, another school year is ending, and three of you are graduating this year. I didn't think any of us weren't going to make it this far, but here we are now. Taeyong, I know you didn't think you were going to make it through the school year without sonething absolutely terrible happening to you, but you're here, and that's all that matters. I love you so much and I can't wait for what the future has in store for us." 

Taeyong raises his bottle in response with a little smile before taking a sip. In return, Taeil pecks him on the lips and everyone lets out fake gagging noises in response to the display of affection and Taeyong flips them off afterwards. "Johnny, you lanky piece of shit. Thanks for being there for me when Taeyong and I were having fallouts. You've come so far and you've been through a lot of shit but the most important thing is that you made it. I love you man." 

"Hey, what're friends for? I love you too." 

"And Yuta, you anime loving potato, I love you. You've been through a lot of shit this year too. But you made it. I don't think I've ever had a savage friend like you before. Congrats on making it so far." 

"Thanks Tae, what else am I really good at doing besides being savage as fuck?" Yuta brings his bottle to the middle of the table and they all reach up and out of their seats to join them. There's a loud, simultaneous clink of the glass bottles and they all take a sip of of their respective bottles at once.

"Nice speech," Mark says quietly, and he forgets how raspy his voice can get when he doesn't speak for a certain amount of time. Taeil smiles back at him and takes another gulp out of his bottle before putting it back down on the table. "That was really heartfelt." 

"Thanks little dude. Alright, well I've got to get going to work before Juhyun chews my ass out," Taeil throws his beer bottle in the trash can a few inches away from them and the table. 

"I'd doubt she'd do that, but okay," Johnny responds, snickering and Ten slaps him softly on the back of his head. Donghyuck and Sicheng let out a loud bark of laughter, Mark trying not to cover his ears at the sudden sound bursting through his eardrums. He smiles at Taeil when the eldest leaves the table, and everyone else stands up from the table, saying their goodbyes to one another.

Yuta and Taeyong claimed that they had studying to do for their final exams and Hansol was going to help Yuta so that he doesn't fail, Ten claims the same thing with Johnny and they walk out of Yuta's yard. Kun and Sicheng follow the two out of the yard waving goodbye, but walk in the opposite direction. Donghyuck looks at Taeyong and smiles brightly. "Can I go over to Mark's house for a bit while you study?  _Please?"_

Taeyong looks between the two for what seems for a long time (well, according to Mark anyways), and nods, walking over to pat him and Donghyuck on the shoulder before Mark feels himself being gently tugged away from Donghyuck's side. He's standing next to a large tree in Yuta's yard when Taeyong smiles warmly at him before letting his forearm go. "I know you feel something for my brother. So go ahead and tell me." 

Mark expected those words to come out with a hint of of frustration, maybe even a little hint of protectiveness for Donghyuck but the words flow out of Taeyong's mouth sweetly. It catches him off guard, actually, but Taeyong is still standing in front of him with a little smile on his face as he runs his bony fingers through his light pink hair. 

_This'll be the worst time to fuck up your words Minhyung, choose carefully or dodge the question and run the fuck out of the yard as fast as you can._

"I'm not used to having people close to me as Donghyuck and the rest of you are, so it makes me feel weird, you know? Especially Donghyuck. At first I would want to push him off because he's too clingy like you had told me before, but I... I've grown to like it, actually. He comforts me whenever I need it and sometimes I don't even have to ask him to, he'll just change the topic to ease my worries, or take me someplace quiet and we'll have a little time to ourselves, and just talk about whatever we want to," Mark sighs heavily and feels the sweat dripping doen his body as he leans against the trunk of the tree and shoves his hands into his sweatshirt pocket. He's never been this straightforward about his feelings, but there's no time to start like the present.

"I just.. I don't know Tae. I don't know what to do. Donghyuck makes me feel like there's someone that's actually going to be by my side for a long time and I'm afraid of that. What if I ask him out and he rejects me? What if he leaves me Taeyong? I can't deal-" 

"Relax kid," Taeyong lands a comforting hand on his shoulder and gives a small, comforting squeeze. "Donghyuck isn't like that. He's pretty sensitive too, I don't know if you've noticed that. If you just explain yourself to him and be honest with him, he'll probably fall for you even harder. He's told me how he feels about you." 

"Really?" Mark feels small and shrinks himself into his sweatshirt, the hot weather finally getting to him but at this point he really doesn't care as much as he had before. He looks over at Donghyuck, who's finishing the fruit off of Mark's plate and finishing Mark's soda, and he realizes that Donghyuck hasn't overheard anything about the conversation at all. 

"Listen kid, if you _really_ do feel that way about him, just ask him out already."

"But-"

"But don't wait too long," Taeyong smiles at him, releasing his shoulder out his soft grip. "You'll probably regret it."

Mark looks between Donghyuck and Taeyong before leaning over and giving Taeyong a small hug, something he's really never initiated before. "I... Thanks." 

"No need to thank me," Taeyong pats his back while they hug. "I'm just trying to look out for you like any friend would. Now get out of here," he lets go of Mark and playfully slaps his shoulder. "Go hang out with my brother before we have to go home." 

Mark chuckles softly, walking over to the cooler and grabs him and Donghyuck each a soda as the younger finishes Mark's off. "You ready to go?" 

Donghyuck grins at him, shutting the game that he was playing on his phone off and placing his phone into his front pocket. "Yeah, I'm ready." 

They're walking out of Yuta's yard when Mark turns his head around and sees Taeyong smiling with his thumb up. Mark does the same as Donghyuck pulls his hand, urging him to walk a little faster. 

It's now or never. 

* * *

 

"Are you eating?"

Yuta looks up from the books and note-filled papers from his binders spread all over the floor and looks straight into Hansol's eyes. "What?"

"I said," Hansol stops writing, gently placing the pen down inbetween the textbook pages and sighs quietly, almost unable to be heard. "Are you eating?" 

"Of course I'm eating. What the fuck kind of question is that?" 

"Taeyong told me about how you were being picky with your food at lunch earlier today," Hansol stretches himself out, standing up from his laying down position on Yuta's carpeted bedroom floor and cracks his back before laying back down. "We're just worried about you.  _I'm_ worried about you." 

All everyone does is fucking  _worry_ about him and honestly, Yuta is getting quite sick of everyone doing so. He slams the book shut and stands up from the floor, and Hansol lays there for a few seconds before following him around as Yuta paces around his bedroom, hands clasped on the back of his neck. "Christ Hansol, I'm okay. If I weren't I would've already told you." 

"Would you?" 

Yuta stops pacing around the floor and freezes at Hansol's statement. He turns around quickly and stands in front of Hansol face-to-face. "What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?"  

Hansol lets out an exasperated sigh and Yuta raises his eyebrows. "I'm just saying, you didn't tell me you had an eating disorder until halfway through our relationship and I felt that you couldn't trust me with important information such as that. Okay?"

"I didn't fucking tell you anything because I didn't think you could handle it," Yuta grits out through clenched teeth and a set jaw. How would Hansol like to know about how everyone taunted you for most of your life? Having an old boyfriend who used to constantly tease you about your weight and you are so sensitive that you took everything to heart? Or how he would lay his hands on you after an evening out with old friends and say how you made him look like a fucking embarrassment?

That's exactly right. You fucking don't. 

"Why the _fuck_ are you interrogating me?" Yuta yells in Hansol's face after a brief moment of silence. Hansol just stands there in front of him, lips tightly sealed together as he begins to circle Yuta's room like Yuta was previously doing. "You're acting like I fucking cheated on you and I didn't do that! It's not that big of a deal anymore!" 

"Not that big of a deal? Tell me, and be honest, you haven't been eating, have you?" 

"Today including lunch was the first time I've eaten in three days," Yuta mumbles, defeated as he sits down on his bed with his head placed in between his hands. "God, you just know how to get the truth out of me, don't you?" 

Yuta feels the bed shift from Hansol's weight next to him and arms around his midsection, breath hot against his neck as Hansol mumbles, "I'm just worried about you. It's because I care."

"I know, I know. I love you." 

"I love you."

Sometimes you just care and worry too much about someone, Yuta realizes. Maybe that's how people show their love without being too clingy and too overprotective. He feels a kiss planted on his cheek and sighs, because that's just the way he and Hansol are. They fight, and then they make up quickly. 

And no one even questions it, not even themselves. 

* * *

"So we just finished watching some movies," Donghyuck stretches out his legs on the couch, his head placed in Mark's lap. "Is there anything else that you want to do?" 

_I want to tell you that I like you but I'm so fucking aftaid you're going to reject me and I don't know what I'm going to do after that._

"Actually I... I wanted to talk to you about something," Mark breathes out, fighting his conscience. Donghyuck removes his head from Mark's lap and he instead stretches his legs out and crosses them on the coffee table.

"Go ahead. I'm going to listen." 

_Oh fuck._

The anxious tone was very evident in Mark's previous words. He attempts to straighten himself out to speak but instead Mark finds himself sinking further into the couch, making himself look as small as he feels osn the inside. He reminds himself that he and Donghyuck are the only two at the house (thank God for that, Mr. Park is still at work and Mrs. Park took Jisung to his dance lessons), and sighs heavily. "You know I'm not good at expressing my feelings with words, as you can tell. But fuck... I like you, okay? I like you. I like the way that you care for me, the way that you comfort me at points where I don't even have to ask you to. I like how you don't push me to tell you anything because I'm not in the right state of mind. I like how you're clingy, but not too clingy, if that makes any sense. I like how you're easily able to make me laugh, and holy fuck, your smile lightens up my day without you even knowing it. And I'm afraid... I'm just really, really afraid that you're going to reject me and leave me and-" 

Donghyuck's hand covers his rambling mouth and his eyes become bright as he smiles. "There's no need to cry you know. I like you too, and I'm not going anywhere." 

Mark doesn't even realize he's crying until Donghyuck removes his hand off of Mark's mouth and Mark can see the wetness on the younger's hand. "You won't leave me?" 

"Nope. And if I ever do, you have my permission to beat the shit out of me," Donghyuck laughs and takes Mark's hand in his own. Mark's hands no longer feel as clammy and hot as they were, but feel cool and protected as Donghyuck smiles right at him and squeezes Mark's palm. "I'm not going anywhere. Let me prove that to you." 

Donghyuck hugs him and Mark feels his sweatshirt sleeves bunching up and the cool air hitting his unprotected skin, but he doesn't feel the need to fix anything at the moment. All he feels is Donghyuck's head resting on his shoulder and his hands placed on the midsection of his back. "You don't have to prove anything to me. Just stay with me," Mark whispers, and he swears he hasn't felt this vulnerable since his parents died and he was in between the orphanage and the foster homes.

"I'm going to stay with you," Donghyuck reassures, making the hug just a bit tighter but not too uncomfortable before Mark fixes his sleeves, suddenly starting to feel self consious about the red and scarred up crescent shaped marks on his forearms. "I'm going to stay." 

_But for how long?_

Mark pinches himself again discreetly and feels the blood running down his arm and past his elbow as Donghyuck lets hinself out of the hug with a smile, and Mark smiles back as he feels the blood still rolling down his arm. "So, what movie do you want to watch now?" 

"Anything you want Donghyuck, anything you want." 

Donghyuck picks out Grease and settles himself on the couch, snuggling into Mark's side as Mark breathes out deeply, and shifts his body to make the two of the comfortable. 

He did it, he finally fucking did it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look another shitty chapter indeed :')  
> But hey, at least Mark and Donghyuck are together now, my babies. :')  
> ~ Kaylee


	13. A New Day is Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is some sort of filler chapter, I guess??? 
> 
> I'm just happy of the support that this story has been getting and I'm glad that people find the subjects in this story realistic.

The next time Mark sees Donghyuck and the others, it's at a graduation party after the elders graduated at Ten's house. The music is loud, the weather is hot, and when Mark enters Ten's home and walks into the kitchen, a large cake is visible. The red cursive frosting reading, _"Congratulations Graduates!"_ and on the right of that it has the boys names written out in order from oldest to youngest graduate. 

Johnny, Taeyong and Yuta are still wearing their suits when Mark arrives, and Donghyuck runs up to him as soon as he steps foot into the yard and every one of the boys coo. Donghyuck flips them off and proceeds to jump up and down while holding Mark's clammy hand tightly and points at Taeyong and the others. "Look at them! Don't they look handsome?" 

Mark watches Donghyuck's eyes light up at the sight of Taeyong walking towards them with a glass of champagne in his right habd and his left hand shoved in his pants pocket with a warm, giant smile on his face. He places the champagne glass on the picnic table (Ten's mom warns him not too drink too much as he does so), and embraces Donghyuck and Mark in a giant hug. Mark hears laughter ringing in his ears, both Donghyuck's and Taeyong's as he pulls away from them and he can smell the strong scent of Taeyong's cologne on his dress shirt. "I'm glad you could make it."

"I wouldn't miss this at all," Mark replies with a happy, maybe even a borderline excited tone. Donghyuck's hand finds it's way back into Mark's and Donghyuck kisses Taeyong's cheek before Mark finds himself being dragged to the others.

Kun and Sicheng are pouring themselves glasses of champagne in Ten's kitchen, Taeyong follows behind them and pats Mark's shoulder, startling him before walking away. Hansol is making himself a plate of food and Yuta is clinging onto him, smiling brightly. Ten and Johnny are outside sitting plates of food on the picnic outside and Taeil is pouring himself a glass of soda. Meanwhile Yoonoh and Dongyoung are standing in front of the living room air condtioner. Donghyuck smiles at Mark before letting go of his hand and grabs a paper plate. "Do you want anything to eat? We can go back outside and grab some food and then come back here in the air conditioning and eat." 

"That sounds fine with me," Mark shoves one hand in his pants pocket and Donghyuck hands him another plate before going back outside and  _my God I don't want to be here right now with all of these people,_ he starts to panic. They're making a plate of food when Ten's mom taps on her champagne glass and the music and chatter die down. 

"I heard that some of the boys have letters to read," her voice rings out, snapping Mark out of his trance and everyone looks straight at her. "Taeil, Ten or Hansol? Which one would like to go first?"

Taeil walks up and everyone's clapping before Ten's mom puts her finger over her lips and the chatter dies down to nothing but silence. "It's June 20th when I began to write this, and yes I know, I know. I'm a procrastinator, yell at me for it later. Anyways, you're graduating, or should I say you're already a graduate and I can't express how happy and how proud I am of you. To see you walking across that stage is the proudest moment I've had so far within our relationship."

Mark looks over at Taeyong smiling with his champagne glass momentarily touching his lips, his eyes only focused on Taeil and Donghyuck's smiling too. Mark wonders how everyone he's known for a short amount of time has been in love for so long, and maybe it's because when something bad happens, they try to work it out. Mark doesn't know, but all he's focused on is Taeil's words and how Taeyong is only focused on Taeil.

"My life, honestly, would not be the same if you would've never entered it. You showed me that it's okay to not be okay, that it's alright to cry. Cry with joy, cry with happiness, cry with sorrow and sadness. You are a bundle of joy that I never want to let go of. You are an amazing, free-spirited person that has shown me how to be free and welcome to be myself. I'll forever be grateful to you. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you, and so will Hansol and the rest of us. We're your family Taeyong, please don't ever, ever forget that."

Taeyong's crying now, Mark can see the tears dripping down his flushed red cheeks and Donghyuck's left his side to hug Taeyong from behind and Mark makes eye contact with Taeil too, and Mark moves his head down quickly, but not quick enough to see that Taeil's damn near crying too and the eldest clears his throat to let himself talk nore without choking up.

"I've seen you at your lowest. I've seen you go through many hardships and you've always came to me crying, saying how you were ready to give up on everything yet you still pushed your way through and graduated with an Honors GPA of 4.2, that's amazing. The dedication and determination I've always seen in you makes me believe you will so successful later on in life. I'm so, so very proud of you. I wish we could put it off a little bit longer, but we can't change the past. All we can do is look forward to the future that we will spend for the rest of our lives together. I love you Tae.

Love,  
Taeil." 

Everyone's clapping loudly when Taeil walks away from the crowd and Mark chuckles at Johnny's loud whooping noises. Donghyuck lets Taeyong go so that he can hug his boyfriend and Donghyuck joins his side again. "He got Taeyongie a necklace, you know," he whispers. 

"He did?"

"Watch." 

Taeil's snapping the necklace closed on the back of Taeyong's neck. The necklace itself and the chain is silver, while the pendant is rectangular and silver, and Mark can faintly see the roman numerals decorating the front of it. "That's the day that we began to date, and our initials are on the back," Taeil says and Taeyong's hugging him tightly yet again as Donghyuck is clapping loudly. Mark feels the younger's head suddenly propped on his shoulder and a loud sigh. 

"That's really cute," Mark says with a small smile, looking down at his feet and Donghyuck lets out a giggle. Mark finds himself letting out a giggle too and he swears he's never felt this happy in a long time. 

"I helped him pick it out too." Donghyuck says after their giggle fit starts to settle down. "Oh look, Ten's going up there. Ready for him to make an embarrassment out of himself?" 

"I can't even begin to describe how happy I am right now. Honestly. When I think of you walking the stage and grabbing your diploma I can't help but smile and cry simultaneously, because I'm that happy.

I've watched you go through so many things. Almost failing your ninth and tenth grade year, getting your driver's license, helping plan birthday parties, babysitting my sister with me and our harrowing multiple trips to the hospital. Now I'm watching you graduate and this is my happiest moment yet." 

_If Ten can overcome his anxiety and stand up there then you can too. Don't be a wuss._

Mark bites his lip harshly as he feels his hand reaching for his arm but instead he forcefully shoves his hand back into his pocket and Taeyong raises his eyebrows and mouths, "are you okay?"

 _Okay is an understatement._ Mark nods and Taeyong nods back at him and watches Ten deliver his letter.

"My god, you were second in line for valedictorian. That's amazing enough as it is. You've always worked your hardest despite whatever was going on, and I've never been more proud of you than I am right now. I know not everyone from you family is here right now, but I believe that they still care, even though you haven't been shown what that's like from them but you know what, we're your family. Always have been and always will be.

I know you're scared of the future, and even though I don't like to admit it myself, so am I. But the future that I'm looking forward to is going to be with you. You're such a big part of my life Youngho, and I'd hate to see you not with me anymore. I love you.

Love, Ten." 

Another round of boisterous clapping happens within the crowd and from a few inches away Mark can see Ten being lifted in the air by Johnny and he can also hear Ten's high-pitched laughter ringing in the air. Hansol's up next and Mark hears yet again the clapping and side chatter dying down. 

" _"I'm never going to graduate," "What if I don't make it?" "I can't. Look at me, I'm disaster."_ You've said that to me since the beginning of your senior year. Now look at you, having a diploma to put on your wall. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in God knows how long, and not many people remember how they met.

I remember when Taeil and I stopped bullies from beating you up in the bathroom, just because you were a small, 15 year old new kid from Osaka who spoke accented Korean. Look at yourself now, because I'm looking at a successful 19 year old who walked the stage and ended a chapter of his life, thus beginning a new one in the life we'll share together forever."

Yuta's already crying from what Mark can tell and Donghyuck hides a snicker and Yuta hears it, flipping him off and Donghyuck does the same and it stops when Taeyong looks at Donghyuck and places a finger on his lips.

"I'll be honest. I didn't think we could last this long, and it's not a bad thing, never a bad thing at all. I remember when we used to get into arguments and you would slam the front door of my house shut and run out into the pouring rain. You would always come back to me and complain about how you forgot everything you brought with you and then cry because you thought that argument would end us. I would never break up with you. You lighten up my days, whether they're happy days or sad days where I would lie in bed and refuse to get up out of the covers.

You've changed me. I could thank you for so many things in my life, but for now I'l just thank you for being you. Being and staying with me. Helping me come out of my shell and meet a shit ton of wonderful people. You're such a beautiful, wonderful person and some days I wonder how I got so lucky to be with someone as loving and caring as you are.

I only want you to be happy. Us to be happy. And you graduating is just the first step in our happiness. So don't start an argument now when I do something I'll never regret in front of all of our friends and their families, and our families. I love you.

Love,  
Hansol." 

There's no clapping when Hansol walks away from the crowd and Mark spaces out until  _oh my fucking god why is Hansol down on one knee. Oh fuck._

"It's been four years since I've met you. I've loved no one else as much as I love you. And I want to keep loving you as much as I do for the rest of my life. Would you do the honors of marrying me?"

"Yes. Yes! Of course!" Yuta's yelling is mixed in with loud clapping noises and all of the boys circling them in a group hug.

Mark's looking on at Hansol and Yuta and how happy they are and wonders if that's what true love looks like. Donghyuck's hand finds his once Ten's younger sister begins to cut the cake that Ten's dad had brought out of the house as soon as he got home from work. Everyone's smiling and wiping icing on each other's faces as Dongyoung yells, "this is not what cake is meant for!"

"Then what's the purpose of it?" Yoonoh and Kun yell simultaneously as Sicheng takes two of his fingers and dips them in the icing before wiping the red and white cream onto Kun's nose. Mark feels the icing land on his cheek and near his lips when Donghyuck wipes it on his face and Mark takes his hand, sticks it into the icing and smears it all over Donghyuck's face.

Needless to say, the entire ceremony became an icing battle between the boys. And when Mark goes home about three hours later and most of the people have left Ten's home, Mrs. Park is waiting for him at the kitchen table, a cup of hot tea in her hands for herself and a cup of coffee across from her seat waiting for Mark. "How was it? I can tell it was messy! Look at you," she laughs as Mark removes his jacket. "Your face is covered in icing!"

Tell her the truth Minhyung.

"It was the best thing ever," Mark smiles and sits down at the table. "Hansol and Yuta got engaged!"

"Aw! That's great honey!" She moves her seat and sits down next to Mark, her tea still held in her hands. "Tell me all about it!"

Mark finds himself and Mrs. Park at the kitchen table taking for almost two hours about the party before the two call it a night, Mrs. Park retiring to the living room couch to watch a movie and Mark retiring to his room next to Jisung's, where he can faintly hear Chenle's laughter from the room as he passes by.

He's almost asleep when Donghyuck messages him.

 **Donghyuckie (10:38pm)**  
_How would you like to go on a group date with us tomorrow? It'll be all of us couples._

 **Mark Lee (10:39pm)**  
_I'd like that._

Mark places his phone on the charger and sets it down on his bedside table, the feeling of butterflies fluttering around in his stomach as he thinks about Donghyuck.

It doesn't take him long before he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

_**"We're going to Korea."** _

_**"What? Why?" Kun looks up from his textbook and chews on his pencil while looking up at his mother. It's only been a week and a half since his father decided to ditch the two of them and leave for God knows who else, probably one of the employees he was screwing around with.** _

_**"It's time to start over. And besides, we have some family over there. You know, you aunt and cousins live in Seoul," his mother replies, sitting next to him and she rests her hand on his knee. Kun sighs and shuts his history textbook. "And besides, my job also  transferred me to one of the branches in Seoul. What do you say?"** _

_**"When do we leave?"** _

Sicheng's opening the front door of his home as Kun spaces out and the next thing he knows is that he smells food beibg made by Sicheng's mother in the kitchen and he's greeted with a warm smile. "Hello sweetheart. Care to join us for dinner?"

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd like that," Kun responds tiredly, midway through a yawn. His mother is out in Incheon discussing business with another branch of the firm she works for, and Kun has either been homr alone for the past four days or he's been hanging out with Sicheng and the boys. 

"Of course she wouldn't mind," Sicheng's gravelly voice responds from right next to him. They're sitting at the island in Sicheng's kitchen and Kun's almost dead on his feet and he can tell Sicheng's mother is too. She just got off at 10:45 and it's almost 11 at night when she makes dinner for everyone and Kun wonders how the hell she can do it.

Sicheng's hugging him from behind when Kun almost falls off of the chair and he realizes he hasn't slept in two days. "Are you okay?" 

"I want to sleep," Kun slurs out. Sicheng's hand grabs his arm and wraps it around his neck, and he tells his mom to leave leftovers for Kun when he wakes up. Kun only hears an "of course" come from Sicheng's mom before he's knocked out on Sicheng's bed and a blanket is thrown over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, that's a shitty way to end a chapter but at least I attempted to make a proposal scene and look, it worked!


	14. avoir une peur bleue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Physical/Sexual Abuse, Murder & Minor Character Death, & mentions of Blood.
> 
> Meaning of Chapter Title-  
> Meaning: To be terrified  
> Literal translation: To have a blue fear

"Isn't it crazy how this is our last day of school and we can't celebrate it with Taeyong, Yuta or Johnny?" Dongyoung sips on his bottle of tea- which is actually Yoonoh's bottle of tea- and pulls his phone out of his pocket. Everyone's eyes aren't on Dongyoung though, they're on Yoonoh and he can feel everyone's gaze go straight through him.

Don't get him wrong, Yoonoh's happy right now. He watched his three best friends graduate high school the day before, and watched Hansol and Yuta becone engaged (and yeah, Yoonoh's going to admit it, he cried because he was  _that_ happy), but words in his head keep circling around like a whirlwind and it's beginning to cause him physical pain.

That, and the new bruises that litter his clothes covered skin are burning like a bitch. Mark stared at him earlier before quickly putting his head down so that his eyes were looking down at his hands in his lap. Yoonoh's aware of his bruised and split lip and the small cut on his cheekbone but it'll heal, Yoonoh will forget about it, and then it'll happen again. It always does. 

Yoonoh's also aware of the scars and marks on his pale arms and how he's either always keeping them covered or rolling them up as a habit and some people catch a glimpse of them before he rolls his sleeves back down, and yet, no one has said a word about it. 

_**"Yoonoh, stop moving. This'll be a lot quicker if you just lie there and shut your mouth."** _

_**"Who's my good boy?"**  
_

_**"M-Me."** _

"Are you okay?" Kun's looking at him now as Yoonoh snaps out of whatever the fuck just happened, and Yoonoh nods, even though it's a lie. Kun raises his eyebrow in response and Yoonoh nods again.

"I'm okay, trust me."

Dongyoung's rubbing the front of his hand with his thumb underneath of the table and Yoonoh wonders how he got so lucky to be able to have someone there for him every step of the way. He looks around the table, Ten laughing at a joke Sicheng made, Kun laying his head on Sicheng's shoulder and Mark and Donghyuck sitting quietly next to each other with smiles on their faces and holding each other's hands and Yoonoh smiles.

He thinks they're all lucky to have someone who cares in their lives. 

Except Ten looks as sad as a puppy after laughing at Sicheng's joke and for some reason that makes Yoonoh feel a bit upset too. "What's wrong?" 

"Johnny texted me and asked if he could stay at my house for a few days," Ten sighs, slamming his phone down on the table and all of then flinch. "I forgot he even had a key."

"He has a key to your house?"

"How else would he get into my house when I'm not there, Donghyuck?" Ten squints at the youngest and Donghyuck raises his hands to surrender and Yoonoh finds himself chuckling underneath his breath.

"Instead of making this day dreary," Dongyoung interupts, tapping on the wooden lunch table with his knuckles. "Why don't we just make this a fun last day, huh?" 

Ten holds out his bottle of fruit punch, Mark and Donghyuck hold their bottles of orange juice, Kun and Sicheng with their sodas, and Yoonoh and Dongyoung with their bottles of tea. "To a good year."

"To a good year!"

Yoonoh takes a sip from his tea and looks at Ten, who flashes a smile at him but then flips him off and laughs like a little kid would.

And Yoonoh is so thankful for them.

* * *

 

"So, you're getting married, huh?" 

Hansol looks at his mother through the glass partition of the booth where his mother is on the other side. Her long hair doesn't look a bit out of place, despite its frizziness and looking dried out. There are bags underneath of her eyes and she's still wearing her wedding ring despite being in prison for six years, and her orange jumpsuit matches all of the other immates'. 

"Yeah, I am." 

"Are they good to you?"

"Yeah, Yuta's great to me," Hansol breathes out, putting the phone down on the table before fixing his black engagement [ring](https://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/Oliveti-Mens-Black-Plated-Titanium-Comfort-Fit-Band-8mm/8608544/product.html?refccid=GS2S73OGNFUKHXSKIUN3T7LKJY&searchidx=2&keywords=&refinement=ring%20style:Bands%7C) on his ring finger that also matches Yuta's. She's still looking at him with a small smile on her face when he puts the phone back up to his ear.

"That's great honey. Will I be able to see him or the wedding anytime soon?"

"You're in for a murder charge. Of course not. But I'll gladly give you pictures if you want," Hansol retorts, the smile growing larger on his face. "But that's all up to you, isn't it?" 

"Do not get an attitude with me. I am still your mother."

"Who's going to be in prison until you most likely die!"

"You know-"

"You want to know what I know? You _murdered my father_ because you had a psychotic break and you were off your meds," his voice becomes hinted with an angry and agitated tone. He swallows the lump in his throat and blinks his eyes to forget the bloodbath that he saw while walking out of his bedroom when he was 13 and he saw police officers tackling his mother to the ground in the living room, and his dad in a puddle of blood.

"And you know what? I can't forgive, and I won't forget. See you next time, mom," Hansol hangs up the phone while she's yelling at him, her distorted voice drifting away from him as she's dragged away by armed officers and Hansol steps out into the sunlight, where Yuta's waiting in the air conditioned car for him. "You could have come in there, you know."

"I know, but I wanted to leave you and your mom by yourselves. Give you guys some privacy," Hansol can hear Yuta laugh for a little bit before breathing out heavily. "What'd she say about us?"

"Told me that it was great. Maybe I'll give her some photos whenever the next time I'll see her," Hansol starts up the car and pulls out of the parking lot and waits for the gate to go up before driving off. "How'd your mom react?"

"She cried. My sisters did too, actually. My dad told me he was proud and said that if you do anything to hurt me he'll hurt you two times as worse." 

"Ah, I don't think that'll happen anytime soon." 

"Good. That's what I like to hear." 

* * *

"What the fuck happened this time?" Ten runs in his house quickly after having Kun drop him off after their last day of school. Ten sees his mom looking at the first aid kit, her hands rummaging around for god knows what and he sees Johnny sitting at the kitchen table with his eyes looking up towards the ceiling and there's blood on the side of his face, and looking down, Ten can see a small cut dripping blood from below his jawline.

"I'm not going to ask what happened," Ten hears his mom say as she digs out the rubbing alcohol and butterfly stitches, "but next time honey, go straight to the hospital, okay? This isn't deep enough for stitches but I'm glad I have some butterflies. That'll heal your cut underneath your jawline if you just take care of it and clean it."

"Got it," Johnny breathes out with a raspy voice and when Ten's mom is done with the butterfly stitches, he tilts his head back down and makes eye contact with Ten. "How was your last day of your junior year?"

"It was good," Ten pulls up a chair and sits in front of Johnny, who's eyes are puffy and bloodshot and Ten wonders how much of this his boyfriend can take before he breaks completely.  "But enough about that, what happened this time?"

Ten waits until his mother retires to her bedroom on the second floor of the house to answer the question and when Johnny sucks in a breath, he knows the story's going to hit him hard. "Johnny-"

"He did it again. You think I would be able to stop him but sometimes I just dissociate myself and I don't know where I go to until it's all over."

Ten holds onto Johnny's bruised hand and gently smoothes over it with his thumb. Johnny's told him every single time that it's happened, and Ten knows both himself and Johnny are just waiting for it to stop. "Johnny-"

"I told her too."

"You told your aunt? How'd it go?"

"Yeah, said she'd speak to him about it but she had to leave for a late shift for her work and when he showed up he was just in a fit of rage and I... I didn't know what to do," Johnny's on the borderline of rambling and Ten squeezes his hand to calm him down and it works, somewhat.

"You did whatever you could. This is not on you, do you understand? None of this is on you."

Johnny lets go of his hand and begins pacing around the kitchen while tapping his fingers against his thigh and Ten wonders how someone can ruin another person's life and happiness for so many years. "I've been dealing with this since I was fourteen. Do I really look like a target?"

Ten can't answer the question thrown at him because he feels his mouth and throat becoming dry and he shuts his mouth.

"I just... Almost everytime that it happens I just drift off into anything, you know? Last night I slipped into disassociation and I saw my mom. Not the drug addicted mom, but the one that was clean and sober, like when I was child. I saw my dad too, all dressed up and watching movies or making me breakfast before leaving for work."

Ten bites his lip to stop himself from letting out a little sob and it works for once, but the difference between him and Johnny now is that the ladder lets out a sob and stops pacing around. He grasps the windowsill and breathes heavily, and Ten _desperately_ wants to go and hug him but he _knows_ that now isn't the best time.

"I'm _afraid_." Johnny's voice is small now and Ten's walking over to hug him as he's hunched over slightly. "I just want to know why? Why is it happening to me? Why am I the the target? Why do I feel like I have nothing left when I have you and all of my amazing friends to be there for me?"

As soon as Ten wraps his arms around Johnny's midsection the latter falls and Ten feels himself falling with him. "I got you. It's okay. It's okay."

His mom walks down the stairs and Ten's eyes widen along with her's, but instead he puts a finger to his lips and his mother nods. "I'll be right back okay? Go up to my room and lie down for a bit."

Johnny lets go of him and wipes his face before walking up the staircase and his mom has a deep, concerning look on her face. "What's wrong honey?"

"Johnny needs somewhere to stay. Would it be okay if he stays here for a little bit mom, please?"

"No need to bug sweetheart. He absolutely can."

Ten nods at his mom silently and hugs her, lets her kiss him on the cheek and walks up to his room, where Johnny is twidling around with his fingers and jumps when Ten opens the door. "Is she letting me stay? Please tell me she is."

"Of course. She loves you like the other son she's never had," Ten sighs and sits on his bed, when Johnny rolls around and drapes his arm across Ten's lap. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Mhm. I'm tired but it's hard to fall asleep because all I can hear is his voice calling me pretty and I fucking _hate_ it."

Johnny's shirt rides up a bit and Ten admits he can see the old scars peeking out of the waistband of his boxers, but he doesn't say anything. "Sleep."

"I love you."

Ten is about ready to say it back until he hears Johnny snoring and Ten's petting his hair.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really, really dark chapter I am so sorry.
> 
> ~Kaylee


	15. Serendípia (Serendipity)

"Donghyuck I'm pretty sure that the box goes on the right side- yes your right. Donghyuck put the box down. Donghyuck-" 

"For fuck's sake Mark, I'm trying!" Donghyuck puts the box of cereal in the cupboard and jumps off of the counter. "Now you would think Taeyong's OCD ass would help us out here but  _no,_ he's probably up Taeil's ass again."

Taeyong comes back downstairs and ruffles his wet pink hair while flipping off Donghyuck. "Fuck you, I was in my bathroom taking a shower you twit." 

Mark looks at Taeyong and tries tearing his eyes away from the elder male's body but  _for god's sake he can't._ He isn't wearing a shirt, and Mark can clearly see the scars from when he tried to kill himself, remembering what Donghyuck told him and Mark looks away quickly when Taeyong almost makes eye contact with him, but not before Mark becomes aware of Taeyong's really skinny frame. "Are you staying here for dinner, Mark?"

"I... Sure, why not?" Mark opens the refrigerator and pours himself a glass of orange juice while Donghyuck rests his chin on Mark's shoulder. "What's being made?" 

"I'm making spaghetti," Taeyong replies and Donghyuck removes his head from Mark's shoulder as he places the carton of orange juice back in the fridge and carefully shuts the door. "That is, if mom and dad don't come home-"

The door slamming is enough for Mark to jump and to feel the loss of contact from Donghyuck's fingertips on his skin. Taeyong bites his lower lip, becomes quiet and sits down at the kitchen table before standing up again and brushing his naked shoulder against his mother's dress shirt when he walks by her. Mark finds it in him to not flinch and make eye contact with either Donghyuck, Taeyong or their mother as she grips his wrist tightly with her bony fingers, her manicured fingernails dangerously close to digging into Taeyong's scars. "Go put on a shirt, I can't have you looking like a freakshow in this house." 

Mark looks over at Donghyuck, the back of his head resting against the kitchen wall and that's when Mark realizes that Donghyuck's mom doesn't know he's there. Donghyuck's looking at him and Mark notices how dark and sad his eyes have become as soon as his mother stepped foot into the house. "Answer me." 

"Y-Yes, of course," Taeyong stumbles and runs up the stairs as Donghyuck sits at the kitchen table. Mark's frozen with his back against the counter, but once Donghyuck gets his mother to pay attention to him, she smiles an unexpectedly white and perfect snile at Mark. 

"Are you one of Donghyuck's friends? What's your name?"

"M-Mark Lee." 

"Ah, Mark. Well you can take a seat at the kitchen table. I'm going to run to the restroom really quick."

It's when Donghyuck's mother walks to the restroom that Taeyong comes back downstairs, wearing a thin gray long sleeve shirt and he looks at the two of them with a small smile. "You'll get used to it. Donghyuck and I have." 

Donghyuck's playing with his fingers when Mark looks at him and Taeyong starts working on dinner when their father arrives and comes in through the front door, sitting his briefcase next to the fridge and plants a kiss on Taeyong's head and Donghyuck's head before shaking Mark's hand and saying hello. Mark wonders  _how_ a man like himself could have married a woman with a horrible attitude like hers.

The next time Taeyong and Donghyuck's mother talks to him is when Taeyong's done making dinner and they're all sitting at the dinner table: Donghyuck in between Taeyong and Mark, and the parents at each head of the table, not even bothering to sit next to each other.

"So Mark, what do your mother and father do?"

He freezes.  _What the fuck kind of question is that?_ Mark swallows the food in his mouth and smiles. "I um... I'm not comfortable with answering that, ma'am."

"Oh I'm sorry. Are they there for you though? Or do they not care for you?"

"Mom that's enough," Taeyong hisses underneath his breath, and Mark's body violently tenses. No one knows his parents are dead except for him and Mrs and Mr. Park.

"I'm just asking him questions Taeyong, there is no need to get smart with me." She says it so nonchalantly, and Donghyuck's father is staring at her with cold, hard eyes before Mark does what he does best; he flees the table and runs out the front door, stopping when he's run out of breath and hears footsteps behind him and heavy breathing. Donghyuck and Taeyong have followed him.

"I'm sorry for that," Donghyuck's arms are now wrapped around his waist and Mark's still heavily breathing. The weather's hot, he's drenched in sweat and so is Taeyong due to their long sleeves. Taeyong's looking at him with sadness and regret shining in his eyes and Mark knows that this isn't Taeyong or Donghyuck's fault, it's his for not telling anyone the truth. 

Mark clasps his hands over Donghyuck's, which are resting on his stomach. They're soon removed when Taeyong wraps his arm around Mark and starts to walk down the street in the 83° weather. "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Really. What a first impression of our home, huh?" 

"It's fine." 

"No it's not," his boyfriend's high pitched voice pipes up and Mark looks to the left of him. Donghyuck's hand is intertwined with his, the younger standing on the left of him and Taeyong standing on the right. "It's our mom's. We can't apologize for what she said to you but we can do whatever you want to take your mind off of it, okay."

_Can't take your mind off of something that'll be with you for the rest of your life. Hey Minhyung, isn't the anniversary coming up soon?_

"I... Taeyong, what's the date?"

Taeyong reaches for his phone in his front pants pocket and slides out his iPhone, unlocking the screen. "The fourteenth. Why?" 

The next thing Mark knows, he's running away from the two brothers and begins to vomit near someone's front lawn, on the sidewalk. 

_Told you it was coming soon._

* * *

"I like how we all have a group sitting inside of an ice cream parlor looking like fucking hooligans," Kun reaches for his spoon and digs into his ice cold Raspberry ice cream. Dongyoung reaches across the table and smacks him upside the head. "What?" 

"We're covered in bruises, we get it," Johnny mumbles before taking a lick off of chocolate ice cream cone. "Shit. That grandma gave me money because of these bruises on my face and told me and I quote,  _'you're such a handsome boy. Go to a shelter and get some help, they'll help you out with anything that you need.'_ "

Dongyoung takes a bite of his ice cream. "How much money did you get?"

Johnny pats his pocket and smiles. "$300. In cash."

_"Holy shit."_

Hansol walks back with two ice cream cones in his hand, and hands the cotton candy flavored cone to Yuta before taking a seat at the table directly beside the others. At one table, it consists of Taeil, Taeyong, Kun, Dongyoung, Yoonoh, and Sicheng, and the other table consisting of Hansol, Johnny, Yuta, Mark, Donghyuck and Ten.

"Well that's what happens when we look like teenage domestic abuse victims." Yoonoh looks at Johnny from the other table and slurps on his milkshake. Johnny nods, snapping and pointing two finger guns at the younger. 

"You have a point."

"A pretty damn good one, huh."

The two tables become silent, the slurping from Johnny, Mark, Taeyong and Sicheng on their milkshakes being heard simultaneously. The silence then becomes loud with laughter and talking when Ten shoots a spitball from his table directly towards Taeil, smacking him straight on the bridge of his nose. "How do you like that shit, _bitch_."

"I didn't even do anything to you. What the fuck," the eldest laughs, pulling the spitball off of his face and tossing it into the nearby trash can.

"You're such a dad, do you know that?"

"And you're a midget. Next question? Anybody?"

Mark and Dongyoung snort at Taeil's quick comeback and Taeyong choking on his milkshake is an invitation for them to either help him out, or laugh at his pain.

They decide on the latter until Taeyong's done coughing and Taeil (being the smushy boyfriend that he is, Yoonoh and Ten gag), wipes his face with a nearby napkin from the dispenser. "Shoutout to all of you for almost letting me die. Fucking assholes."

"You're so lucky that I'm a slut for chocolate milkshakes, or it would be going down your shirt, Tae."

"Johnny, my dude, you're a slut for anything." 

"Well I mean, you're not wrong," he sucks down the milkshake again and Hansol snorts loudly, covering his nose and mouth in the process. "What's so funny, fucker?" 

"The fact that you just admited you are- or  _were_ a slut at one point in your life. And that one time when you flirted with the cashier at the small store so that we could shoplift some shit because  _some_ of us forgot our wallets," Hansol eyes Taeil and Yoonoh and they flip him the middle finger simultaneously. 

"When was that?" Mark looks at Donghyuck and then Taeyong while they shrug their shoulders before getting back to their ice cream cone and vanilla milkshake, respectively. 

Yuta reaches over the table and pats Mark and Donghyuck's shoulder before walking over and patting Taeyong's. Taeyong reaches up out of his seat and flicks Yuta on the forehead before the younger sits back down in his seat. "That was before your time with us fuck ups, children."

"I'm older than you," Taeyong interjects.

"By four months man,  _four months._ So y'all better finish your shit and get ready to leave because one of us is going to tell you about the time we took a chance of getting arrested," Yuta snaps back. 

"I'm going to walk with my milkshake notherfucker, you can't stop me," Sicheng laughs as the ones with the ice crean cones and dishes into the trash can. 

They're all outside when Yuta snaps his fingers to get everyone's attention and Ten imitates him. "Who's telling the story?"

"I already told enough stories. One of you other dicks are doing in," Hansol cuts in and they all flip him off yet again. "Taeil. Wanna do it?"

"Why can't the one that acted like a hoe do it?"

"Because I went through enough suffering as a 18 year old flirting with a 34 year old cashier. Why I acted like hoe at that time is none of your business," Johnny slurps on his milkshake before walking behind Taeil and slapping him lightly on the back of the head. "Lets not go through that again. Agreed?"

"Oh thank  _god_ I don't have to hear another shitty story," Donghyuck breathes out and he fucking  _bolts_ when Johnny starts to run after him down the street. 

Everyone falls to the ground in a heap of loud laughter until Donghyuck comes back, Johnny following behind, both of them sweating like they've just run a 5k. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this being a short and filler chapter, but right now I'm still trying to create more ideas for the chapters plus my phone goes off tonight at midnight. Thanks for understanding. 
> 
> ~Kaylee


	16. Stargazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is this a date?" Donghyuck asks, releasing his hand from Mark's to wipe on his shirt before returning it to its former position with Mark's own. "If it is, I think this is the best thing that's happened all summer." 
> 
> What he says throws Mark off guard, but the way that the smile never faded off of his face while he said the words makes Mark feel all warm, and Mark finds himself nodding. "Yeah, it is."

Mark would say that the summer is going perfectly fine, but that would be only half of the truth. And Mark knows that telling half of the truth is what screws shit up even more.

He sits in his bed, taking in all of the cool air that runs through his air conditioner, refusing to go outside due to the heat. And as far as Mark knows, everyone is out doing their own thing. Spending time with their crappy families, or out at work, hell, probably just sleeping for as long as they possibly can before being forced out of their house to do something.

All Mark knows for sure is that Donghyuck's mother won't let him out of the house for the next two days. The younger male had gotten into an argument with his mother and it caused Taeyong to start yelling at her, which in turn caused a screaming match, which caused Donghyuck to grab his mother's wrist when she had went to slap Taeyong across his face, yet again. 

It's 12am and all Mark begins to hear is little thumps at his window. He ignores them for the time being, doesn't care to know what's causing the sound, until a particularly large thump has him jumping up from the bed, opening up his other window, and seeing Donghyuck's face. He doesn't even want to  _know_ how Donghyuck got out of his house without setting anything off. 

"What the— how the  _fuck_  did you get out of your house?" Mark whispers down to him, the younger male having his trademark troublemaker smile plastered on his face. "Donghyuck, I swear to God if you get me in trouble—"

Donghyuck rolls his eyes at him, another trademark thing he does to add to his already sassy personality. He's wearing a pair of jean shorts falling just above the knee, and one of Mark's thin long-sleeve shirts that he kept begging Mark to let him wear (Mark eventually ended up saying yes because Donghyuck would not stop begging him until he said yes), and a pair of worn sneakers. "Oh for God's sake, get your ass down here!"

Mark sighs, getting up from his bed and grabbing a thin, white and black long sleeved shirt, a pair of faded black pants, shoes and his phone. Donghyuck proceeds to continue to throw rocks at his opened window and Mark will be damned if anybody wakes up in this house. "Goddamn it, I'm coming, I'm coming!" 

Mark finishes lacing up his shoes and shoves his phone into his back pocket and closes  his bedroom door quietly, Jisung's room only a few inches away from his own. Mark finds himself in the clear and he proceeds to tiptoe down the steps, and he's passed the kitchen when—

"What are you doing?"

_Oh, fuck._

Mark turns around to see Jisung, at nearly 12:30 in the morning, standing in the frame of the kitchen, cookie in one hand, and the other in his pocket. He sighs heavily, the younger boy having a sly smile on his face. "Are you going to sneak out?" 

 _Well, nothing gets past_ _him, huh? You tried, oh well._

Mark shoves both hands into his front pockets, nodding. "Yeah, can you not tell anyone about it?" 

Jisung raises his eyebrows, and has a little smile on his face and Mark  _knows_ he learned that from Donghyuck. Mark sighs, reaching into his pockets. "I will literally pay you twenty bucks to keep your mouth shut." 

"Deal." 

Mark keeps his word, and reaches for a twenty dollar bill from his front pocket. He slaps the crumpled up bill into Jisung's hand, to which the younger smiles, and says, "pleasure doing business with you. I'll keep my mouth shut."

He walks away and Mark finds himself snickering and shaking his head. "You ass!" Mark whispers down the hall, to which Jisung raises his hand as he continues to walk down the hallway. 

"I'm here all day!" Jisung yells back quietly, and Mark slips through the front door of the house  succeeding as he hears the door latch quietly. He rounds to the side of the house to see Donghyuck sitting in the grass, picking at little flowers growing. Mark lets him be for a few seconds, staring down at him quietly, letting Donghyuck be in his element. It's not even a full minute before Donghyuck smiles at him, and he pushes himself off of the ground. 

At first, Mark isn't sure if he wants to risk staying out too long. It's not that he doesn't trust Jisung, it's that the kid will probably go as far as snitching if a pay is involved. That makes Mark think Donghyuck is influencing him a little too much. 

"So," Donghyuck speaks up after a long silence of them just walking side by side on the sidewalk. "Got any ideas?"

"What?" Mark asks, Donghyuck's voice snapping him out of his thoughts momentarily.

"Like, where do you want to go?"

Mark though Donghyuck had planned everything out, turns out he didn't and Donghyuck knows that Mark hates making decisions for more than one person, hell, even himself. Mark doesn't know what to say, so he keeps his mouth shut in hopes that Donghyuck will take them someplace on his own. 

They walk in silence for a few minutes yet again, until a thought pops up in his head. Mark knows where he wants to go now, it's probably the best idea he's had in such a long time.

"What do you think of stargazing?" 

"Hmm," Donghyuck replies, looking up from his feet. It seems like he didn't hear Mark, so he raises his eyebrows, not in a sassy manner, Mark notices  but like a child would when they would become confused. Mark lets out a breathy chuckle, nearly laughing at his expression. "What?" 

"I said, what do you think about stargazing?" 

Donghyuck's hand intertwines with Mark's again, the younger complaining not too long ago about his hand becoming all sweaty and disgusting. Donghyuck smiles at him anyways, and all of a sudden Mark feels himself being pulled by Donghyuck, his feet rushing to a running pace. "I know exactly where to go." 

Mark's feet are taking him wherever Donghyuck wants to go. Donghyuck ends up taking him to the top of this one hill about twenty minutes away from both of their homes. Donghyuck pulls him down onto the grass, their hands still intertwined at Donghyuck points out a clutter of stars in front of their faces. "That's pretty, don't you think?" 

 _Not as_ _pretty as you,_ Mark wants to say, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment, so he holds back. "Of course," Mark finds himself saying, and Donghyuck flashes a bright smile at him. "It's gorgeous." 

The stars take form in different, unique colors that Mark can't help but love and Donghyuck points out every color, as if Mark isn't witnessing this exact moment with him. Donghyuck's beaming from ear to ear, rambling about how pretty the sky is and how the colors of the starts contrast beautifully with the sky, as if he were a child again. The gold, yellow, white, blue and silver stars shine brightly in the night sky. Mark takes a long look, and all of a sudden he doesn't regret coming out at all. 

"Is this a date?" Donghyuck asks, releasing his hand from Mark's to wipe on his shirt before returning it to its former position with Mark's own. "If it is, I think this is the best thing that's happened all summer." 

What he says throws Mark off guard, but the way that the smile never faded off of his face while he said the words makes Mark feel all warm, and Mark finds himself nodding. "Yeah, it is." 

"Good," Donghyuck replies. He looks at Mark for just a moment before his eyes whip back up to the sky. "I think the stars are glittering. Just, tiny specks of glitter shining out in the dark. Shining as long as they can before they have to go back into hiding. What do you think?" 

"You know, I think they're like beacons of hope for all the souls who left the world." 

_Are you thinking about mommy and daddy again?_

Donghyuck looks at him, away from the starry sky with big, widened eyes and yeah, even Mark threw himself off guard. Maybe because it's not his own words, his mother told him that when his grandmother had passed away a year before she had, and Mark had asked her if his grandmother was like a shooting star in the sky, and asked her why she liked looking at the stars so much.  Donghyuck doesn't need to know that, though. 

"Never thought of it like that," Donghyuck mutters, picking at pieces of grass. "But that, holy shit. Where did you hear that?" 

"I read it somewhere," Mark lies right through his teeth and he hates himself for it. "I just thought it would be fitting, you know?" 

"I know," Donghyuck replies, throwing the shredded blade of grass in front of him, ditching it to look back up at the sky again. "How'd you know that I like the stars?"

Mark bites his lip. He didn't even know what his own boyfriend likes. "I, uh, I didn't know, actually," Mark stutters out and all Donghyuck does is laugh and pat his cheek.

"It's alright. Not many people do. Taeyong takes me here sometimes too, when we both need a break from home, you know?"

"I don't blame you." 

"It's not like I technically snuck out of the house anyways," Donghyuck continues, drawing little patterns on his legs with his fingers while he talks. "Dad let me go. Mom was passed out on the couch with a bottle of vodka next to her, Dad just told me to do whatever I wanted." 

Of course his dad let him go out. Mark's always known that Taeyong and Donghyuck's father was the most reliable person in the house. Sure, he was going against what his wife wanted, but Mark doesn't blame him. The woman is a functioning, abusive alcoholic with no respect for her own children. "So, how long do we plan to stay out here?" Mark asks, looking down at his phone to see a text from Jisung.

**Jisungie (1:22 am)**

_If you think I'm going to rat you_ _out, I'm not. Seriously, have a good time out there, just be back before 6, because that's when they wake up._

Mark places the phone screen up on the grass, sighing as he stretches out his legs onto the terrain, before he throws himself out to lay down. Donghyuck stays sitting, though, looking at the stars, and Mark absolutely adores how infatuated he is with them. 

"I could stare at them all day." 

_I can stare at you all day._

"Wow. You really think that?" Donghyuck asks him, and oh  _fuck_ Mark didn't say that in his head. He feels the strongest urge to slam his head against the ground for being an absolute idiot, but somehow manages to keep his composure.  

Mark goes to open his mouth to speak and he feels an unknown warmth on his lips and its Donghyuck's lips pressed against his. It seems like the world suddenly just— falls away. Like him and Donghyuck have nothing in the world to even care about while their lips are together. Sure, maybe it's a little sloppy, but it's better than nothing.

_Ohoho, mister hotshot. Finally letting someone touch you, huh? How long is it going to be before you regret it?_

_Shut up,_ Mark yells back silently, lips still intertwining with Donghyuck's for a few more seconds before the both of them pull away, catching the breath that should be able to fill up their lungs again. Yet, Donghyuck's smile still hasn't faded from his face, his teeth still showing in a perfect little array. Mark smiles too and Donghyuck mumbles something under his breath that Mark is unable to hear. 

"What's that?"

"I  _said_ ," Donghyuck huffs out, playfully, "it's about damn time."

"You initiated it though."

Donghyuck pauses momentarily, before shoving Mark down onto the grass with one hand, the both of them laughing. "That's fair." 

They sit in silence again, and Mark looks at the clock on his phone, the minute changing to 1:54 in the morning and as much as Mark wants to stay out all morning, he can't, and neither can Donghyuck. Donghyuck continues to smile and point at the stars, yet Mark can see the nervous smile on his face, knowing he has to go home soon and stay there again. And Mark hates it as much as Donghyuck does.

 **Jisungie (2:00 am)**  
_Change in plans change in plans holy shit. Dad woke up earlier than expected and he wants to know where you are and he's a little pissed off._

 **Jisungie (2:00 am)**  
_I've been stalling him for five minutes Mark you have to get back._

Mark shoves his phone in his pocket and looks over at Donghyuck with a panicked glare, tapping him on his shoulder repeatedly and even though Donghyuck is already looking at him, Mark can't stop tapping until Donghyuck calmly grabs his hand to stop him. "What's going on?"

"They- They know I'm not at home and they're going to yell at me and they won't let me out of the house and I don't-"

Donghyuck presses his finger against Mark's babbling lips. Mark's heart is racing and _holy shit_ he can't fucking breathe and stomach is beginning to cramp up. "It's okay, alright? Try to match my breathing, okay? Mark, match my breathing."

He's trying and Mark can't seem to do it. Donghyuck is trying to help him calm doen and his brain can't even register it. He tries opening his mouth to say something but Mark doesn't say anything. "Hey, look at the stars. They're pretty, right?"

"Yeah."

"What colors do you see?"

Mark feels his breathing beginning to slow down just a bit and the way Donghyuck just _jumped_ in and helped him through his anxiety attack makes Mark really wonder if Donghyuck has way too much training in this.

"That's better. I'll take you home."

When Mark ends up at his front door, Donghyuck rubs his hand on his back, pecks his lips and mutters a quiet "goodbye" before walking back to his own home. Mark takes a deep, quick breath and opens the front door to see Jisung and his foster parents staring at him, Jisung mouthing an _"I'm sorry"_ repeatedly to him. Shutting the door, he walks to the kitchen with heavy feet and stands in the doorway of the kitchen, where he stands and hears Mr. Park sigh heavily, rubbing at his temples.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

_I'm sorry._

"What possibly could have caused you to sneak out this late? I'm shocked."

_I'm sorry._

"I can't even begin to think of what could have happened to you—"

"I'm sorry," Mark whispers, nearly inaudible as he looks down at his feet, his fingernails digging harshly into his palms and he swears he's beginning to feel blood slowly coming out of them. "It- It won't happen again. I'm sorry."

He comes closer to Mark and his breath is still uneven from his previous anxiety attack, and holds it when Mr. Park gently grabs his shoulder and squeezes it. "I'm not trying to make you upset, I'm just a little irritated that you would sneak out this late. We just don't want anything happening to you, okay?"

_I'm sorry._

Mrs. Park doesn't say anything, but when Mark looks up and stops holding his breath, he sees her looking at him quietly with tired, comforting eyes and maybe he shouldn't have snuck out after all. He interuptted everyone's sleep and caused them to stress out over him when they shouldn't have.

"I'm sorry."

Okay, maybe he's having a little bit of a breakdown when he shoves his hands back into his pockets when he feels the blood rolling down his arm like a water droplet and Mark nods. "I mean, I didn't mean to stress you out this early and wake everyone up."

"No need to be sorry, just don't let it happen again, alright?"

Mark nods. Jisung looks at him with comforting eyes and Mark wonders when the hell he grew up all of a sudden. "Alright."

They all bid him goodnight, Mrs. Park kissing him on the top of the head, Mr. Park quietly gripping his shoulder and Jisung hugging him. Jisung tells him to have a nice sleep and Mark asks of him to do the same. He trudges back up to his room, closes the door quietly, strips himself of his jeans to change into shorts to somehow sleep in.

Minutes later, Mark hears his door opening just when he is about to fall asleep and it's Donghyuck. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Cuddling, what the fuck does it look like," Donghyuck whispers back, crawling underneath Mark's blanket and Mark can feel the summer heat still radiating off of his body. "Don't worry about my dad. He told mom that I didn't need to be punished for so long, and somehow she _agreed._ Stupid bitch woke up long enough to understand what they were discussing before she passed out again."

Mark laughs and Donghyuck laughs along with, letting out a deep sigh and hugging him and Mark knows that he absolutely hates being touched, but with Donghyuck, it's different, for some odd reason. He finds himself curling into the touch and nearly falling asleep.

"Hey, Donghyuck?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop hogging all of the blankets."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update? Is this reality?
> 
> Yes hi hello I am back my lovely readers! Don't worry, the angst is coming soon, this is just an icebreaker for now. I apologize for the year of not updating, it's been a very, very overwhelming year and I sincerely hope that updates will happen more often.
> 
> Much Love,  
> Kaylee <3


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